As fall approaches and the school year is in full swing, it’s easy for parents be hyper-focused on the academic achievement of their children – but what about fostering their child’s emotional intelligence and self-regulation?
What even is emotional intelligence? Emotional intelligence is defined as the ability to recognize and then manage your emotions, and can also extend to others’ emotions. Most believe that there are three key skills of emotional intelligence – they are the following:
Emotional awareness – simply put, this is the ability to recognize our emotions as well as other’s emotions
Harnessing and applying emotions – the ability to take our emotions and use them constructively (e.g. problem solving or accomplishing a task)
Regulation of your emotions as well as others – the ability to manage our own emotions as well as help to manage others’ (e.g. cheering someone up)
Awareness is always that first step in fostering emotional intelligence because we have to understand and then accept our emotions before we can start to control them. Emotions are important motivators for all of us! Thus, the ability to control our emotions can help us in a number of ways. For instance, sadness can remind us to slow down and be more reflective. Regulating our emotions goes hand-in-hand with self-control, and self-control is a great predictor of achievement in children.
Emotion regulation is something most parents don’t even realize they need to consciously foster in their children. So fear not, you are not alone! Here are some easy steps that you can take to help nurture your child’s emotional intelligence:
1.Recognize your child’s viewpoint and be empathetic (even if you feel your child is being unreasonable). Empathizing with your child doesn’t mean you agree with their feelings or behavior but it shows that you understand their point of view. Simply having someone acknowledge our thoughts and feelings can be extremely validating.
2. Allow your child to express their emotions – including those messy ones! – and accept those emotions. Parents often don’t realize that when they criticize their child’s emotions (e.g. anger), they aren’t teaching their child to stop having those feelings but, instead, are teaching them to repress those feelings. One way you can accept your child’s emotions is by listening to him/her tell you how he/she feels.
3. Be an emotionally regulated model for your child. The best way to teach emotional intelligence is to demonstrate it. Don’t be afraid to tell your children how you feel and show them how you manage your emotions. This can be through your own coping skills (e.g. splashing water on your face or taking a deep breath)
Written by: Paige Frasso is an intern at Crossroads Family Counseling Center and also provides therapeutic services at Virginia Tech’s Center for Family Services located in Falls Church, VA. She is currently working on completing her Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy at Virginia Tech.
Sources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/emotional-intelligence
http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/emotional-intelligence/steps-to-encourage
