It’s that time of year again when parents and kids begin preparing for a new school year. This can be a time of excitement, as well as, a time of potential challenge and stress. There may be feelings of sadness as summer time comes to an end; excitement to go back to see friends; and for some there may be feelings of nervousness. It is normal for kids to feel a little nervous or scared on the first day of school because of all the new things they may encounter (new teachers, new friends and maybe even a new school). This is especially true for children who are preparing to start kindergarten.
The ideas presented are geared towards younger children starting school; however, many of these strategies can be applied to any age child returning to school.
Preparing for school:
• Involve your child in preparing for school. For example, let your child help with shopping for school clothes, school supplies, and book bag and lunch box. If your child is starting school for the first time, make sure he/she can manage the lunchbox and school bag.
• Begin establishing a bedtime and morning routine a couple of weeks before school begins. Developing a consistent morning and evening routine and even a good bye routine at school drop off time can help lower your child’s anxiety. Consistency helps provide safety and security for children.
• Most importantly, make sure your child gets plenty of sleep. It is helpful to establish a sleep routine before the first week of school to help with this transition. Also keep in mind children between the ages of 5 and 12 need 10-11 hours of sleep each night.
• Let your child know what his schedule will be like. Tell him what time school begins and ends each day.
• Ask your child about her feelings — both the excitement and the concerns — about starting school. Help normalize fears by letting your child know that all kids are nervous about the first day of school.
• Visit the school with your child to see his new classroom and meet his new teacher before school officially starts.
• Try to have your child meet a classmate before the first day of school so she will already have a friend when school starts.
• For kids starting kindergarten it is also important that they know how to dress themselves and use the bathroom on their own. Using the bathroom at school can often be a source of anxiety especially for younger kids.
• If possible, plan to take your child to school on the first day. Make sure your child knows how they are getting home after school (bus rider or car pick up). Make sure you are always on time, a few minutes can seem like a long time to a young child.
• Leaving a note in your child’s lunchbox can be a nice reminder that you are thinking about him while he’s at school.
Sources: American Academy of Pediatrics; Caring for Your School-Age Child: Ages 5-12, by Edward L. Schor (Bantam, 1999)
During the first few weeks of school, your child may need extra support while he/she settles into this new routine. There are also simple things you can do to help these first few weeks go more smoothly for your child:
• Try not to schedule too many after school activities as they may be tired at the end of the day. It is important to make sure they have time to rest and for free play.
• Have a healthy snack ready when they get home as they are often “starving” after school. Also try giving them an early dinner as they may be too tired to eat later.
• Try to make after-school time a bit special, with a snack and time for the two of you to talk about their day. Your child may want to share every little detail about his/her day, or clam up completely. Either way, be patient and respect your child’s response to this new experience.
• Try inviting a school friend over to play which can help to strengthen the link between home and school.
• Reading a bedtime story is also a nice way to end the day. Plus it counts towards their daily reading time for school.
During this time, it’s important to not expect too much too soon. If your child is happy and seems to be enjoying school, that’s a real achievement. The rest will come later. If your child doesn’t seem to be adjusting well, or reports teasing or bullying speak to the teacher right away to try to resolve the issue. It is important to reassure your child that you are there to help resolve any problems that may arise.
For some children attending school can be a more difficult transition. Warning signs that you child may be struggling with school anxiety are:
• being tearful
• not wanting to go to school
• having tummy aches or headaches.
Ways to help your child through these feelings are:
• encouraging them to talk about their feelings and fears
• emphasize the positive aspects of going to school; being with friends learning new things, and playing at recess
• letting them know that you are confident in their abilities
• asking what they think would help them
It will also be important to contact your child’s teacher and the school’s guidance counselor to discuss your concerns and develop a support plan to help your child be successful at school.
At Crossroads Family Counseling Center we are also here to help you and your child during this time. We specialize in helping children, teens, adults, and families work through the challenges they face to find the best solutions. We have expertise in play and expressive therapies, family therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy and other traditional approaches.
Written by: Denise Booth who is a Virginia Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) with over 10 years experience working with children and families. She specializes in providing therapy to children and adolescents dealing with trauma and PTSD, behavioral issues at home and school, as well as anxiety, depression, self-esteem and substance abuse. In her work with parents, she strives to enhance parent-child relationships and strengthen parenting skills.
