Wouldn’t it be nice if you’re children loved being together during the summer? If they enjoyed playing together, the same activities and watching the same TV show etc…? Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case. If your children are having a difficult time getting along and it’s driving you crazy here are some tips on how to help your children get along.
The Child Development Institute has several suggestions for Simple Parenting Techniques That Work:
1. When the rivalry progresses to excessive physical or verbal violence OR when the number incidents of rivalry seem excessive, take action. (Action does speak louder than words). Talk with your children about what is going on. Provide suggestions on how they can handle the situation when it occurs such as:
- Ignoring the teasing.
- Simply agreeing (in a kidding way) that whatever the teaser is saying is true.
- Telling the teaser that enough is enough.
- When these measures aren’t working ask the person in charge (parent, baby sitter) for help.
2. When the above does not work, introduce a family plan to help with the situation that provides negative and positive consequences for all concerned such as:
- When there is any fighting or shouting, all involved will have a consequence such as a time out or writing sentences (“I will play nicely with my brother).
- However, when we can go the whole day or afternoon or evening (whatever makes sense for your situation), then everyone will earn a privilege such as (1) you can have a snack, (2) I will read you a story, (3) we will all play a game together, (4) I will play outside with you (catch, etc) or (5) you can stay up later. (Note that several of these provide parental attention for appropriate behavior).
3. Develop a system for evenly distributing coveted privileges. In other words, a system for taking turns for such things as:
- Who gets to ride “shot gun” in the car. (It’s amazing how many teenagers and young adult siblings still make this an important issue).
- Who gets to push the button in the elevator;
- Who gets to chose where to go to eat lunch or dinner,
- Who gets to chose the television show,
- Who does the dishes or takes out the trash (rotate on a weekly or monthly basis)
One of the simplest things you can do is create a competition between your children. Whoever has the most random acts of kindness for their siblings for the week wins a reward. It has to be something the parent sees or is aware of. You keep track of the random acts and tally them up at the end of the week. The child that has the most points earns a reward. It’s nice if it’s a reward that everyone in the family can benefit from. For example: the winner gets to pick what is for dinner that night, where to go out to eat, they get to pick a family outing or game. Positive Family fun time also promotes positive sibling interactions.
Look on Pinterest for some cool activities that siblings can do together this summer. http://pinterest.com/savingcase/sibling-activities/
For more information on parenting strategies go to: http://childdevelopmentinfo.com/ages-stages/school-age-children-development-parenting-tips/sibling_rivalry/
Written by: Sheri Mitschelen, LCSW, RPT/S, Owner and Director of Crossroads Family Counseling Center, LLC a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) in the State of Virginia and a Registered Play Therapy-Supervisor (RPT-S).
