It’s that time of year when we start to prepare for the Holidays. Planning who to spend the holidays with, family or friends?, The menu? Traveling? It’s a time of getting together with family, eating an abundance of food and giving thanks for the blessings of the year.
Many times we have the Norman Rockwell picture in our head of what we want the Holidays to look like. However, many teenagers don’t always cooperate and want to participate in family activities during the holidays. They want to spend time alone or be with their friends. Or they don’t like the food being served and joining in with family activities or want to reflect on the blessings of the year and have Gratitude.
Gratitude is one of many positive emotions. It’s about focusing on what’s good in our lives and being thankful for the things we have. According to Christine Carter, a sociologist, happiness expert, and director of UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Parents program, discussed the importance of teaching kids and teens the importance of having gratitude and practicing it with them. Otherwise, teens grow up feeling entitled, and entitlement does not lead to happiness. On the contrary, it leads to feelings of disappointment and frustration. In contrast, gratitude makes us happy and satisfied with our lives.
In the United States, 11% of teenager’s experience depression between the ages of 12-18 years old. And, 30 percent of teens with depression also develop a substance abuse problem.
According to Teenhelp.com:
• Teenagers with depression are likely to have a smaller social circle and take advantage of fewer opportunities for education or careers.
• Depressed teens are more likely to have trouble at school and in jobs, and to struggle with relationships.
• Teens with untreated depression are more likely to engage in risky sexual behaviors, leading to higher rates of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
• Teens with depression seem to catch physical illnesses more often than other teens.
• Untreated depression is the number one cause of suicide, the third leading cause of death among teenagers. 90 percent of suicide victims suffer from a mental illness, and suffering from depression can make a teenager as much as 12 times more likely to attempt suicide. Unfortunately, less than 33 percent of teens with depression get help, yet 80 percent of teens with depression can be successfully treated
Researchers at the California State University have found that teens who are more grateful than their counterparts are happier, less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol and less likely to have behavior problems at school. “Gratitude played an important role in many areas of positive mental health of the teens in our study,” lead author and professor Giacomo Bono said. These findings suggest that gratitude may be strongly linked with life-skills such as cooperation, purpose, creativity and persistence. The study also found that teens with less gratitude were able to still benefit from building gratitude into their life.
Five tips on how to help teens express gratitude.
1.Be a model of gratitude. That means show it, recognize it, and appreciate it when you see it. When your teen demonstrates kind, thoughtful behavior, be sure to show gratitude.
2. Spending time together- Dinner time with teenagers, with no electronics, TV or cell phones is a great time to have quality time to talk. Have everyone in the family share something positive that happened during their day.
3.Gratefulness Grab Bag: Contributed by The Family Dinner Project Team Give everyone two slips of paper, and have them write down two things that they’re thankful for (these can be silly or serious!). Place the slips in a bowl, pass it around the table, and have different people read the slips out-loud.
4.Gratitude journal: Have your teen write in a journal 2 things they were grateful for that day. Studies show that people who keep gratitude journals feel better about their lives as a whole, were more optimistic, and less stressed. For examples of Gratitude journals go to http://www.abundantmama.com/6-nearly-perfect-gratitude-journals/.
5. Volunteer work: With their growing need for independence, happiness expert and author Christine Carter, PhD, suggests teens focus on altruism — helping others and practicing kindness — rather than simply on gratitude. She states, “Helping others evokes feelings of gratitude, compassion, and confidence in people of any age.”
If you do see your teen struggling with finding the positive things in their life and are concerned they may be struggling with depression. We’re here to help. Call us at 703-380-9045.
During this season of Gratitude, we are grateful for the opportunity to work with the families, teens and children that come to us each week. It’s a joy and privilege to be able to work with these families.
Written by: Sheri Mitschelen, LCSW, RPT/S Owner and Director of Crossroads Family Counseling Center, LLC and Family and Play Institute of Virginia. She is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) in the State of Virginia and a Registered Play Therapy-Supervisor (RPT-S). She has 25 years of experience working with children, adolescents and families.
