So what is self-esteem and why is it so important?
Webster defines self-esteem as “a reasonable or justifiable sense of one’s worth or importance”.
So in a nutshell, it is how one feels about oneself. Sounds simple and complex at the same time especially when we as parents are responsible for helping shape our child’s self-esteem. Research shows that parents have the greatest influence on a child’s belief about themselves. Letting your child know that they are loved and accepted, are doing well, and are contributing can help them develop healthy self-esteem.
Since patterns of self-esteem begin to form early in life it is important for parents to start thinking about ways to develop and promote healthy self-esteem during childhood. As kids go through the process of learning and mastering new tasks, they start to develop ideas about their own capabilities. Kids who know their strengths and weaknesses and feel good about themselves seem to have an easier time handling conflicts and resisting negative peer pressures. In contrast, kids with low self-esteem often find challenges to be a source of anxiety and frustration. They tend to be overly critical of and easily disappointed in themselves. This can place kids at risk for stress and mental health problems, as well as real difficulties solving different kinds of problems and challenges they encounter.
Ways to help build your child’s self-esteem:
Be careful what you say. Kids can be sensitive to parents’ and others’ words. Remember to praise your child not only for a job well done, but also for effort. For example, if your child doesn’t make the soccer team, avoid saying something like, “Well, next time you’ll work harder and make it.” Instead, try “Well, you didn’t make the team, but I’m really proud of the effort you put into it.”
Reward effort and completion instead of outcome. Focus on your child. This is especially important when playing and listening when your child talks. Show interest in your child’s activities, projects, or problems. Let him/her guide the play and be willing to do things he/she wants to do.
Be consistent. Decide on and enforce clear rules and limits that are right for your child’s age. Be clear with expectations and consequences. This will help your child to feel safe and secure, and grow more confident about making their own decisions.
Be a positive role model. If you’re excessively criticize your own abilities and limitations, your kids might eventually mirror you. Nurture your own self-esteem and they’ll have a great role model.
Be spontaneous and affectionate. Your love will help boost your child’s self-esteem. Give hugs and tell kids you’re proud of them when you can see them putting effort toward something or trying something at which they previously failed. Put notes in your child’s lunchbox with messages like “I think you’re terrific!” For free:
Printable lunch box notes go to: http://happyhomefairy.com/2013/09/12/free-printable-lunch-box-notes-for-the-entire-year/.
Kids who don’t feel safe or are abused at home are at greatest risk for developing poor self-esteem. A child who is exposed to parents who fight and argue repeatedly may feel they have no control over their environment and become helpless or depressed. It is also important to watch for signs of abuse by others, problems in school, trouble with peers, and other factors that may affect kids’ self-esteem. Encourage your kids to talk to you or other trusted adults about solving problems that are too big to solve by themselves.
Help kids become involved in constructive experiences. Activities that encourage cooperation rather than competition are especially helpful in fostering self-esteem. Healthy self-esteem is the foundation of a child’s well-being. It serves as your child’s armor against the challenges of growing up and navigating the stages of development.
If you suspect your child has low self-esteem, consider getting professional help.
Therapy can help kids learn to view themselves and the world more realistically and help with problem-solving.
Happy Valentine’s Day from Crossroads Family Counseling Center, LLC in Fairfax, VA
Written by: Denise Booth who is a Virginia Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) with over 10 years experience working with children and families. She specializes in providing therapy to children and adolescents dealing with trauma and PTSD, behavioral issues at home and school, as well as anxiety, depression, self-esteem and substance abuse. In her work with parents, she strives to enhance parent-child relationships and strengthen parenting skill<
