Coivd-19 has driven us all inside our homes and bubbles. We are spending more time with our children and family members than ever before. And yet, we are stressed over work, online or hybrid school routines and the idea our schedules could all change again in an hour. And while we may feel like we see our children all the time, the connection may not be feeling as strong as before March.
Research shows that the quality of time together drives a feeling of intimacy and connection across all our relationships. Anxiety and stress reduces our ability to make meaningful moments with others. How can we reduce anxiety, manage stress and offer more of ourselves in a moment? In a few words, the answer lies in self-care and quality time.
Self-care is identifying what I need and getting that need met by myself and asking others for support.
Self-care ideas to consider:
- Acknowledge this is a moment of suffering we are all going through. Ourselves, our families our neighbors, our communities are all negatively affected by Covid-19 and will be for the foreseeable future. Given this incredibly hard challenge, how can I provide comfort to myself? What do I need to feel soothed? Extra sleep? A walk? 5-minutes of deep breathing while taking a shower? If we can self-soothe, we will be able to help others more effectively. If we are upset, we will not be able to calm others around us.
- Prioritize and commit to daily self-care habits. By building a foundation of inner strength over time, we can stay calmer during uncertainty and be available to others.
- There is no wrong way to do it. New patterns take time. Allow yourself to take your own imperfect path to
Once we care for ourselves, we can offer our time to others. Some ideas to consider to improve quality connections:
- Offer your full-attention. Put away the electronic devices and turn your full attention to your child. If you need to, put on a timer so you don’t have to worry about transitioning to another activity.
- Put it in your schedule. If you are not free when your child needs you, indicate you will connect later. You can connect during an activity: bed time, preparing a meal, raking leaves, going for a walking break between classes.
- Stop and acknowledge your child’s positive effort, thought process and creative ideas.
- Quality time is cumulative. There will be days we don’t connect with our child as well as we might like . There might be days where we don’t really connect at all. Take a minute or five. Hold your child’s hand, make eye contact and connect. Over time, these connections make a difference.
- Offer yourself self-compassion and grace. Yes, this is on the list twice. Covid is hard. Online schooling and work is hard. These are moments of real suffering. Soothing yourself enables you to soothe your child. Remember every moment is a clean slat e and an opportunity to choose different.
If you or your child is struggling during these times Crossroads Family Counseling specializes in working with children, adolescents and families. You can contact 703-380-9045 or info@crossroadsfamilycc.com.
Written by: Carolyn Bell, MBA, who is obtaining her Masters in Counseling through Wake Forest University. She works with individual children, teens and adults; couples and families at points of transition to resolve trauma, grow careers, enhance relationships, and accept and adjust to life-changing events such as chronic health diagnoses, adoption, empty nesting, divorce, and loss of a loved one.
