Teens
Sarah McCarthy, PMHNP-BC, FNP-BC
Ellie Zadeh, MS, Resident in Counseling
Courtney Barber, M.Ed, Resident in Counseling
Ethan Kaste, M.S., Resident in Counseling
Amanda Harrington, PhD, LPC
Supporting Your Middle School Child
Supporting a child through a transition to middle school can be a daunting task. Your child is suddenly faced with a brand new environment, a new sleep schedule, a flood of new peers, and academic expectations that can send a child’s worries into a tailspin.
It is important that you stay tuned in with your child throughout this transition and beyond. Be mindful of any changes in behavior such as social withdrawal, changes in sleeping patterns, poor grades, increased conflict at home or at school, sudden meltdowns, school refusal, or increased complaints of headaches, stomach aches, etc. These symptoms are often an external distress signal for children with an internal emotional struggle. 1 in 5 children show symptoms of a mental health disorder, yet nearly 80% of children go without the support they need.
Ensure that you are regularly asking your child about how they are doing, how they are feeling, what a typical day looks like for them. Ask about their peer relationships, their struggles, their “highs” and “lows” with a calm, curious, and compassionate tone. Communicate to your kiddo that you want to know how to best support them, and ask them what they need from you in order to do so. If you sense that something may be awry, emotionally or psychologically, or if they communicate feelings of worry, sadness, or trouble focusing, it is important that you take your child’s concerns seriously, educate yourself about mental health, and seek professional help. Utilize the resources available to you and your child by talking with the school’s mental health professionals or local mental health professionals.
Not only is it overwhelming for tweens as they transition into this new phase, it places a strain on parents too. Parents may see their child struggling and feel suddenly disconnected or clueless about how to effectively communicate with their tween. They may experience strong feelings of shame or anxiety about not knowing how to support their children. They may feel like they have less insight into their child’s day-to-day routine now that their child has a jam-packed schedule, multiple teachers, and an increasingly complex social world. Middle schoolers are likely to become more engaged with technology and social media. This may lead to increased conflict in the home and intense fear about how to prevent negative online experiences. If you find yourself struggling to cope with these stressors, seek mental health support for yourself. 1 in 5 adults struggle with mental illness, yet 60% of adults go without the support they need. Be sure to intentionally make time for self-care. You will be able to best support your child if you are taking good care of your own mental health.
Crossroads has a Middle School Girls’ Group beginning January 31st. Group will be led by Grae Worthington, M.A., and meets Wednesday evenings at 6pm. Topics will include self-esteem, building healthy peer relationships, anxiety and depression, bullying, and coping skills, among others. Members will be encouraged to connect with one another and engage in activities and discussions that promote self-esteem, positive relationships, and mental health. Call today to set up a free intake.
Written by Grae Worthington,M.A., Resident in Counseling. Grae specializes in working with Middle school and High School students on issues of grief and loss, emotional regulation, social skills, depression and anxiety. She uses mindfulness/meditation, building coping skills, and expressive art techniques in her work with teens. . She takes a person-centered and integrative approach, building on each client’s unique strengths, abilities, and communication style. By working in concert with these skills, she seeks to help clients and their families navigate their way through life’s challenges and cultivate meaning from difficult experiences.
Is your child refusing to go to School?
Did you know that school refusal in children is usually about anxiety?
Children of all ages, genders, ethnicities and races can develop school refusal behavior. The most common age of onset is 10-13 years old, but children of all ages can struggle with anxiety surrounding attending school.
One in four children may occasionally refuse to attend school. Such behavior can become a more long term concern if left untreated. Many children with school refusal have a history of separation anxiety, generalized anxiety, social anxiety or depression. Some children have a history of being bullied in school or have a fear of throwing up in school. Undiagnosed learning disabilities or reading disorders may also play a role in the development of school refusal.
Children with school refusal sometimes complain of stomachaches, headaches and or feeling hot or dizzy when it is time to go to school. After these symptoms have been investigated by a doctor and no medical cause can be found, children are then diagnosed with somatic complaints due to anxiety and said to be suffering from physical manifestations of their worries.
Anxiety becomes worse with avoidance. Therefore, the more a child misses school, avoids school or is asked to be picked up early from school, the worse their anxiety becomes over time. It is important to work with your child’s school and or therapeutic treatment providers to develop a plan to help your child attend school. It is also important to have loving yet firm boundaries with your child in terms of developing expectations for attending school.
Cognitive behavioral techniques (CBT) are frequently used in both individual and group treatment modalities to help children work to develop coping skills and talk back to their worries. Parents should also be involved in treatment to help children utilize their coping skills at home and school and to provide limits and boundaries regarding attending school. Collaboration with your child’s school is also important.
It is important to remember that most children who exhibit school refusal have average to above average intelligence and through early intervention therapy and school support, can develop healthy coping skills to better manage their anxiety.
If your child is struggling with going to school we can help We will work with you, your school and child to help them learn coping skills and feel comfortable to go back to school.
Written by: Megan Kipp, LCSW
Megan Kipp is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker who holds both a VA and DC (LCSW) license. She has experience working in multiple treatment settings including outpatient and home based therapy providing services to children, adolescents, and their families. She believes strongly in working collaboratively with schools and other treatment providers in order to provide a wrap around approach to services. Additionally, she has significant experience conducting individual and group therapy utilizing different treatment modalities including CBT, strength based/solutions focused, expressive therapy, positive psychology, psychodynamic, play therapy and mindfulness.
The Benefits of Group Therapy
Have you ever wondered what group therapy is, or what the point of group treatment would be for you or your child? Depending on the issue, joining a group can be a helpful choice for making positive changes in life.
Group therapy is a form of therapy where a small, selected group of people meet with a therapist, usually weekly. The purpose of group therapy is to help each person with emotional growth and problem solving. Sometimes a person can do both individual and group therapy, while others may only do a group.
According to Dr. Irvin Yalom in his book The Theory and Practice of Group Psychotherapy identified 11 curative factors that are the “primary agents of change” in group therapy:
1. Installation of Hope: People come to a group to improve their lives. Each person in the group is at a different place in their emotional growth and can offer hope and inspiration to others by showing what they have learned and overcome.
2. Universality: Many who begin group therapy may feel isolated and alone. Being part of a group can help people feel understood and have a sense of belonging.
3. Information Giving: A big part of many therapy groups is increasing knowledge of a common problem. This helps members help themselves and others with the same or similar problems.
4. Altruism: The ability to help others in the group is a source of self esteem and increases self worth, especially in those that don’t think they have anything to offer others.
5. Corrective recapitulation of the primary family: Some people in group therapy may have stress or conflict in their family. The group can become a form of a family that can offer support and acceptance.
6. Improved Social Skills: Social learning, or the development of social skills, is something that occurs in therapy groups. Members offer feedback to each other about their behavior in ways that can improve relationships both in and outside of group.
7. Imitative Behavior: The therapist models appropriate prosocial behaviors such as active listening, non-judgemental feedback, and support. Over the course of the group the members can pick up on these behaviors and integrate them into their own behaviors. This can lead to improved social skills and self esteem.
8. Interpersonal Learning: Being a group can be an opportunity for members to work on their ability to relate to others and improve relationships.
9. Group cohesiveness: Wanting to belong is a human need. Group therapy can help people feel accepted and valued. This is an important healing factor if members have felt isolated.
10. Catharsis: The release of conscious or unconscious feelings gives members a great sense of relief. Yalom states that it is a type of emotional learning, as opposed to intellectual understanding, that can lead to immediate and long lasting change.
11. Existential Factors: Groups can explore and process issues such as death, isolation, and meaninglessness and help them accept difficult realities.
Joining a group of strangers can seem intimidating at first, but joining a group can provide benefits that individual therapy alone may not, such as providing a support network. Other group members can help formulate solutions and hold each member accountable for change. Also talking with and listening to others can help put problems in perspective. Others may share similar struggles and give each member the experience that they are not alone. Diverse feedback is another benefit of participating in a group. Each members’ personality and background can help examine problems in different ways. Members can learn many different strategies for tackling issues.
Young children can benefit from being in social skills or play based groups. Older children and adolescents can benefit from support and process oriented groups. These groups become a valuable source of support as members learn to trust each other. Confidentiality is a very important part of the rules of group therapy. Members need to be able to trust one another so there can be open and honest communication. What is said in the group needs to stay in the group.
Upon completion of a group, it is the hope that members leave with a better understanding of themselves, others, and stronger coping skills. Sometimes members continue in another group or begin individual therapy to strengthen the newly learned skills. Just keep in mind that change takes time and it is important to be patient with yourself!
Written by: Veronica Janer a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) in the state of Virginia. She has almost ten years of experience working with children, adolescents, adults, and families dealing with a wide array of issues. She has experience working with kids, teens, and adults with mood disorders, anxiety, behavioral problems, adjustment disorders, and family discord. She has worked in a domestic violence shelter, children’s group homes, assisted in day treatment programs, and most recently worked in community mental health centers. Veronica’s therapeutic approach is from cognitive behavioral, systems, and psychodynamic theories. She believes that working together with families as a team creates change. She enjoys partnering with parents to help children be as successful as possible.
Helping Teens With Gratitude
It’s that time of year when we start to prepare for the Holidays. Planning who to spend the holidays with, family or friends?, The menu? Traveling? It’s a time of getting together with family, eating an abundance of food and giving thanks for the blessings of the year.
Many times we have the Norman Rockwell picture in our head of what we want the Holidays to look like. However, many teenagers don’t always cooperate and want to participate in family activities during the holidays. They want to spend time alone or be with their friends. Or they don’t like the food being served and joining in with family activities or want to reflect on the blessings of the year and have Gratitude.
Gratitude is one of many positive emotions. It’s about focusing on what’s good in our lives and being thankful for the things we have. According to Christine Carter, a sociologist, happiness expert, and director of UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Parents program, discussed the importance of teaching kids and teens the importance of having gratitude and practicing it with them. Otherwise, teens grow up feeling entitled, and entitlement does not lead to happiness. On the contrary, it leads to feelings of disappointment and frustration. In contrast, gratitude makes us happy and satisfied with our lives.
In the United States, 11% of teenager’s experience depression between the ages of 12-18 years old. And, 30 percent of teens with depression also develop a substance abuse problem.
According to Teenhelp.com:
• Teenagers with depression are likely to have a smaller social circle and take advantage of fewer opportunities for education or careers.
• Depressed teens are more likely to have trouble at school and in jobs, and to struggle with relationships.
• Teens with untreated depression are more likely to engage in risky sexual behaviors, leading to higher rates of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
• Teens with depression seem to catch physical illnesses more often than other teens.
• Untreated depression is the number one cause of suicide, the third leading cause of death among teenagers. 90 percent of suicide victims suffer from a mental illness, and suffering from depression can make a teenager as much as 12 times more likely to attempt suicide. Unfortunately, less than 33 percent of teens with depression get help, yet 80 percent of teens with depression can be successfully treated
Researchers at the California State University have found that teens who are more grateful than their counterparts are happier, less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol and less likely to have behavior problems at school. “Gratitude played an important role in many areas of positive mental health of the teens in our study,” lead author and professor Giacomo Bono said. These findings suggest that gratitude may be strongly linked with life-skills such as cooperation, purpose, creativity and persistence. The study also found that teens with less gratitude were able to still benefit from building gratitude into their life.
Five tips on how to help teens express gratitude.
1.Be a model of gratitude. That means show it, recognize it, and appreciate it when you see it. When your teen demonstrates kind, thoughtful behavior, be sure to show gratitude.
2. Spending time together- Dinner time with teenagers, with no electronics, TV or cell phones is a great time to have quality time to talk. Have everyone in the family share something positive that happened during their day.
3.Gratefulness Grab Bag: Contributed by The Family Dinner Project Team Give everyone two slips of paper, and have them write down two things that they’re thankful for (these can be silly or serious!). Place the slips in a bowl, pass it around the table, and have different people read the slips out-loud.
4.Gratitude journal: Have your teen write in a journal 2 things they were grateful for that day. Studies show that people who keep gratitude journals feel better about their lives as a whole, were more optimistic, and less stressed. For examples of Gratitude journals go to http://www.abundantmama.com/6-nearly-perfect-gratitude-journals/.
5. Volunteer work: With their growing need for independence, happiness expert and author Christine Carter, PhD, suggests teens focus on altruism — helping others and practicing kindness — rather than simply on gratitude. She states, “Helping others evokes feelings of gratitude, compassion, and confidence in people of any age.”
If you do see your teen struggling with finding the positive things in their life and are concerned they may be struggling with depression. We’re here to help. Call us at 703-380-9045.
During this season of Gratitude, we are grateful for the opportunity to work with the families, teens and children that come to us each week. It’s a joy and privilege to be able to work with these families.
Written by: Sheri Mitschelen, LCSW, RPT/S Owner and Director of Crossroads Family Counseling Center, LLC and Family and Play Institute of Virginia. She is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) in the State of Virginia and a Registered Play Therapy-Supervisor (RPT-S). She has 25 years of experience working with children, adolescents and families.
Sports – a path to wellness for children and adolescents
It has been widely recognized that extra-curricular activities can provide stability for adolescents and children and can reduce incidences of mental health issues such as substance abuse, delinquency, and depression (Lee, 2015). Participation in a sport or activity can provide young people with a sense of identity, a valuable social circle of positive peer role models, and a schedule/structure that further keeps them on the right track. Sports in general can provide children with a variety of life-skills such as sharing, teamwork, and communication skills and as the athlete matures into adolescence, these skills are further developed. In addition, other skill sets such as leadership, discipline, and conflict resolution may be developed, as well as developing nurturing benefits such as increased self-esteem, the ability to work independently or as a team member, and the ability to balance a healthy school-sport-social life schedule. It is imperative that the athlete is in a healthy environment where he or she is guided by positive role models in the form of coaches, teachers, mentors etc., but if she is in this type of environment the psychological and social benefits will be many. Sedentary lifestyles in children and adults can lead to anxiety and depressive disorders and, as mentioned in a previous CFCC blog (September 7, 2015), 5-10% of children suffer with an anxiety disorder. If these are not prevented or are left untreated, they can cause severe disruption to the individual later in adolescence, and into adulthood.
Physical Activity vs Competitive Sports
Not every child will be at a competitive level of sports participation – nor would they all want to be. However, the benefits for less competitive athletes – and even those undertaking physical activity for fun/recreational use – remain plentiful. In addition to the aforementioned benefits, children who are already suffering from anxiety and depressive disorders are also likely to see positive health changes from participation in general physical activity, even without the competitive element of sports. These positive benefits may include feelings of improved mood, enjoyment and achievement, and reduced symptoms (Carter, 2015).
Aside from the social and career benefits, sports/physical activity participation to date has been found to help in the prevention, and treatment, of many mental and physical issues including:
- Improved sleep
- Better endurance
- Stress relief
- Improvement in mood
- Increased energy and stamina
- Reduced tiredness that can increase mental alertness
- Weight reduction
- Reduced cholesterol and improved cardiovascular fitness
National Institutes of Health
In addition, in children, exercise has been found to aid in the treatment of Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and emotional regulation issues such as anger. Further to this, childhood obesity has become a major talking point in recent years, with empirical evidence highlighting what has become an epidemic, and pediatric (and adult) diabetic diagnoses continue to rise. In addition, other health problems such as early onset of heart disease are now being linked to sedentary children.
But what if the child is non-athletic in nature and has no interest in sports or exercise? Caregivers and adults in the lives of these children should be aware of the various health benefits of exercise and assist the child in finding a way to remain healthy through exercise and other means for recreation. But ALL of these children can benefit from extra-curricular activities that provide them with a plethora of developmental skills that will stay with them for life. Schools, churches, housing associations, and community youth groups all offer various non-sporting activities that children can get involved with. As an added benefit over time, this strengthens their portfolio/resume for when the time comes to apply to college.
Dave Edwards is the clinical intern at Crossroads Family Counseling Center,LLC in Fairfax, VA. He is a student in the M.A. in Clinical Mental Health Counseling program at Marymount University in Arlington, VA. He is also a full-time professional soccer coach and has been working with youth for 27 years.
Is Your Child’s Anxiety Normal?
It’s September and school is starting or has already started from many children around the Commonwealth of VA.
This time of year creates a lot of mixed emotions. Many children are excited to go back to school, happy to see friends and proud to move up to the next level in school. For some children however, they may have feelings of sadness that the summer is over, they may be nervous about what their teacher will be like, scared that they won’t know anyone in their class or anxious about starting school in general.
Likewise, many parents are excited for their children, nervous, scared, worried, sad and happy that their children are returning to school.
All of these feelings are normal. However, this time of year brings a lot of anxiety for children. Anxiety in children often looks different in a child then it does for an adult. Children don’t always know they are experiencing anxiety. Anxiety can often come out in their behavior or as a physical symptom. Around 5-10% of children struggle with an anxiety disorder. The onset of clinical anxiety is typically around six years old, usually at the same time children start school full-time; symptoms can escalate around age 10.
These symptoms include: (from Anxiety.org)
• Agitation
• Restlessness
• Inattention, poor focus
• Somatic symptoms like headaches or stomachaches
• Avoidance
• Tantrums
• Crying
• Refusing to go to school
• Meltdowns before school about clothing, hair, shoes, socks
• Meltdowns after school about homework
• Difficulties with transitions within school, and between school and an activity/sport
• Difficulty settling down for bed
• Having high expectations for school work, homework and sports performance.
Essentially, anxiety in children tends to manifest as negative behaviors that you may have glimpsed briefly in the past, but that are becoming consistent and intense.
There are many different types of anxiety:
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
If your child has generalized anxiety disorder, or GAD, he or she will worry excessively about a variety of things such as grades, family issues, relationships with peers, and performance in sports.
Children with GAD tend to be very hard on themselves and strive for perfection. They may also seek constant approval or reassurance from others. Generalized anxiety disorder (or GAD) affects about three to five percent of youth and often occurs with one or more of the other types of anxiety
Separation Anxiety Disorder
Separation anxiety disorder is common between 18 months and 3 years old.
If your child is slightly older and unable to leave you or another family member, or takes longer to calm down after you leave than other children, then the problem could be separation anxiety disorder, which affects 4 percent of children. This disorder is most common in kids ages seven to nine.
When separation anxiety disorder occurs, a child experiences excessive anxiety away from home or when separated from parents or caregivers. Extreme homesickness and feelings of misery at not being with loved ones are common.
Other symptoms include refusing to go to school, camp, or a sleepover, and demanding that someone stay with them at bedtime. Children with separation anxiety commonly worry about bad things happening to their parents or caregivers or may have a vague sense of something terrible occurring while they are apart.
Social Anxiety Disorder
Social anxiety disorder, or social phobia, is characterized by an intense fear of social and performance situations and activities such as being called on in class or starting a conversation with a peer.
This can significantly impair your child’s school performance and attendance, as well as his or her ability to socialize with peers and develop and maintain relationships.
Selective Mutism
Children who refuse to speak in situations where talking is expected or necessary, to the extent that their refusal interferes with school and making friends, may suffer from selective mutism.
Children suffering from selective mutism may stand motionless and expressionless, turn their heads, chew or twirl hair, avoid eye contact, or withdraw into a corner to avoid talking.
These children can be very talkative and display normal behaviors at home or in another place where they feel comfortable. Parents are sometimes surprised to learn from a teacher that their child refuses to speak at school.
The average age of diagnosis is between 4 and 8 years old, or around the time a child enters school.
Specific Phobias
A specific phobia is the intense, irrational fear of a specific object, such as a dog, or a situation, such as flying. Common childhood phobias include animals, storms, heights, water, blood, the dark, and medical procedures.
Children will avoid situations or things that they fear, or endure them with anxious feelings, which can manifest as crying, tantrums, clinging, avoidance, headaches, and stomachaches. Unlike adults, they do not usually recognize that their fear is irrational.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
OCD is characterized by unwanted and intrusive thoughts (obsessions) and feeling compelled to repeatedly perform rituals and routines (compulsions) to try and ease anxiety.
Most children with OCD are diagnosed around age 10, although the disorder can strike children as young as two or three. Boys are more likely to develop OCD before puberty, while girls tend to develop it during adolescence.
You can get more information at http://www.adaa.org/living-with-anxiety/children/childhood-anxiety-disorders
According to the Association for anxiety and depression, if an anxiety disorder is causing your child to struggle at school academically or socially, the first step is to talk to the teacher, principal, or counselor about your concerns. The key to helping a child thrive is early intervention. After an anxiety disorder diagnosis, Art therapy and play therapy can be helpful as well as cognitive behavior therapy (or CBT).
For more information or to have your child evaluated you can contact Crossroads Family Counseling Center, LLC.
Written by: Sheri Mitschelen, LCSW, RPT/S Owner and Director of Crossroads Family Counseling Center, LLC a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) in the State of Virginia and a Registered Play Therapy-Supervisor (RPT-S). She has over 25 years of experience working with children, adolescents and families and has helped many children and families manage their anxiety successfully.
Texting and Teen Safety
If you are the parent of a teenager (or even a preteen and tween) you are all too familiar with his/her endless cell phone usage. While text messaging has become the way for teens to communicate, it also has the potential to get them into lots of trouble. As a parent it is important to be educated on the risks associated with cell phone usage and how to keep your teen safe. If you are like many parents today, your teens know more about technology than you. The goal of this blog is to provide you with information about the most common risks associated with cell phones and ways to help monitor and hopefully prevent harm from happening to your teen.
Potential Risks associated with cell phone usage for teens:
• Texting while driving– Texting while driving is now the leading cause of death among teenagers – surpassing drinking and driving, according to a study by Cohen Children’s Medical Center. Many states have already adopted laws prohibiting texting while driving.
There is an app called “textecution” which disables texting if the phone is moving more than 10 miles an hour. www.textecution.com
• Sexting- This refers to sending text messages with sexually explicit content or a sexually explicit picture, including naked pictures or pictures of people kissing or engaging in other sexual acts.
The consequences associated with sexting can be very damaging. A picture or message meant for one person can easily be forwarded to an entire contact list at any time. A photo or message could also resurface years later, possibly causing great embarrassment or even problems with work or school. There is also the risk that he/she can get suspended or expelled from school and even be prosecuted under child pornography laws.
• Cyberbullying- This refers to sending harassing texts, emails or instant messages, as well as posting intimidating or threatening content on websites or blogs.Most of the time cyberbullying is done anonymously which can make it difficult for schools to intervene. The consequence of this is that the victim may feel unsafe which can lead to school absences or other problems. It might even be a contributing factor to teen suicide.
On the flip side, make sure your teen understands that it isn’t acceptable to spread rumors or bully someone through texting. Remind your teen that any text message he or she sends can be forwarded to anyone else, so it’s important to use good judgment with every message.
Tips from cyber bullying experts:
• Monitor your child’s online photo
• Have an open conversation. One of the most important things parents can do about cyberbullying is to simply talk about it. “Parents should ask ‘what happened online today’ right after they ask ‘how was school today,’” advised Robin Raskin, editor of the site “Raising Digital Kids”.
• Know who your kids are talking to. “Don’t assume — there is no profile for a cyberbully or a victim.”
The Internet is forever. Raskin notes that parents should remember the Internets long memory and should remind kids constantly of the permanence of the web. When they get older, schools and future employers can easily search their name to see what comes up. “It’s not a great place to play a prank on someone — since it never goes away and spreads like wildfire.”Above all else having Face to Face communicationand with your child or teen about issues like texting while driving, cyberbullying, and sexting, and the consequences of such actions, is the key to helping them make the smartest digital decisions.
Additional Resources:
Website: yoursphere for parents: Helping Families live Healthy Digital Lives
This website has a wealth of information for parents on how to keep their kids safe in the digital world.
http://internet-safety.yoursphere.com
An Easy Way to Introduce and Teach Your Children Responsible Texting
Website with lists of Best Apps to Protect to Prevent Cyber Bullying
Find My Kids for the iPhone and GPS Tracker Pro for Google Play are free apps that keep track of your kids through their phones. You can even set up alerts that let you know the second they leave the neighborhood.
Website: www.teensafe.com
You can also check with your cell phone provider to find out if they have features to help monitor your child’s cell phone.
Verizon Family Base
Verizon FamilyBase is a service that you can use to monitor the activity of each device on your account, set usage limits for each device and help your children understand how to use their devices responsibly and safely. The insights this service provides are especially helpful for parents and anyone who has multiple family members on the same account. You can also use it to help avoid unexpected overage charges. Cost $5.00 a month.
Written by: Denise Booth who is a Virginia Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) with over 10 years experience working with children and families. She specializes in providing therapy to adolescents dealing with behavioral issues at home and school, as well as anxiety, depression, self-esteem, substance abuse trauma and PTSD,. In her work with parents, she strives to enhance parent-child relationships and strengthen parenting skills to cope with adolescents..
Why Teens Need Sleep
As school is getting ready to start in Fairfax County, Virginia how many Adolescents will be getting enough sleep this school year?
Research shows that on average that adolescents require 9.25 hours of sleep a night for good physical and mental health. However, with teens needing to be at their bus stop anywhere from 6:10am-6: 45am in Fairfax County for school start times starting around 7:20am it’s impossible for them to get 9 hours of sleep a night unless they go to bed at 9:00pm. How may adolescents do you know that go to bed at 9:00pm?
The American Academy of Pediatrics cites statistics from a National Sleep Foundation poll showing that as many as 59% of 6th- through 8th-graders and 87% of high school students in the United States get less than the recommended amount of sleep on school nights and that the average amount of school-night sleep obtained by high school seniors is fewer than 7 hours.
Adolescents have different sleep patterns and needs than adults or younger children. Hormonal influences of puberty shift the adolescents’ biological clocks. Judith Owens, MD, FAAP, director of sleep medicine at the Children’s National Health System and lead author of the policy statement, which was published in the September issue of Pediatrics states,“There are changes in circadian rhythms that occur in conjunction with puberty that simply make it very difficult for adolescents to go to sleep before 11 at night.” Changes in adolescence cause delays in the timing of nocturnal melatonin secretion, thereby slowing a youth’s ‘sleep drive,’ in which the pressure to fall asleep is more gradual, she added. Research has detailed the potential fallout when school schedules are not adjusted to correspond with the biological changes.
Various studies have shown that for adolescents, even a 30-minute earlier school start time is associated with shorter sleep duration, increased sleepiness, and problems with concentration, behavior, and absenteeism compared with later start times.
WHY IS IT IMPORTANT FOR ADOLESCENTS TO GET AN ADEQUATE AMOUNT OF SLEEP?
Inadequate sleep has been linked to many physical, mental and social problems:
• Impairment of the immune system and susceptibility to illness
• Depression, anxiety and irritability
• Impaired metabolism, diabetes being overweight and obesity
• Acne
• Alcohol and caffeine abuse
• Hyperactivity
• Poor judgment, rebelliousness, risky behavior, lack of control, trouble with relationships
• Lower academic performance
• Decreased athletic performance and injury
• Car crashes due to drowsy driving
As we know teenagers are growing by leaps and bounds physically, socially and emotionally. Often they are moody, have mood swings,behavior issues and it’s hard to know as a parent what is normal and what is a problem. Many children and adolescents suffer with depression that goes undetected during their adolescence. “Depression is not only a symptom of sleep deprivation but can also be a cause.” Scientists refer to this as a “bidirectional” relationship (Dobson & Dozois, Risk Factors in Depression (Academic Press 2008) p. 109), or “bidirectional causal pathway.”They often suffer from sleep problems such as insomnia or hypersomnia (excessive sleepiness) or both. A 2005 study found that people with insomnia had greater depression and anxiety levels than people not having insomnia and were 9.82 and 17.35 times as likely to have clinically significant depression and anxiety, respectively.
WHY IS A LATER SCHOOL START TIME IMPORTANT?
• The University of Minnesota’s Center for Applied Research and Educational Improvement (CAREI) has followed the changes made in the Minneapolis public schools. Among the benefits the CAREI study found
• One hour more sleep per school night on average
• Significantly increased attendance rates in all grades
• Increased continuous enrollment
• Decreased tardiness
• Improved behavior
• Lower rates of depression
• More student alertness, by teacher report
• Less sleepiness during school, by student report
• Fewer trips to school counselors and nurses
• Teens easier to live with, by parent report
There is also evidence that later start times can reduce the number of teen car accidents. Fayette County, Ky., found that after changing its start time to an hour later crashes among 16-to-18-year-old drivers decreased in the county, while they increased throughout the rest of the state.
Recently, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) has issued a policy statement on school start times, urging middle schools and high schools to begin classes no earlier than 8:30 am, in order to address an epidemic of sleep insufficiency among adolescents and teens.
SLEEP in Fairfax has stated that research shows that later start times correspond with teen sleep needs and improve health, quality of life, and school performance. Isn’t this what every parent wants for their child?
Parents concerned about the health and educational impact of too-early high school start times have been working for change for ten years. SLEEP was started in January 2004 by Sandy Evans and Phyllis Payne. Momentum is building for a change, but they need your continuing support to finally accomplish the goal of so many parents, educators and health professionals!
For more information go to www.sleepinfairfax.org to learn more on how you can support Fairfax County Schools in voting for changes in the SLEEP schedule.
Written by: Sheri Mitschelen, LCSW, RPT/S Owner and Director of Crossroads Family Counseling Center, LLC and Family and Play Institute of Virginia. She is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) in the State of Virginia and a Registered Play Therapy-Supervisor (RPT-S). She has 25 years of experience working with children, adolescents and families. She also has a Ninth grader that gets up at 5:40am every morning to catch a 6:13am bus in Fairfax County.
Back to School Strategies
As summer winds down, another school year is right around the corner. Switching from laid back summertime fun to a more structured day, rules, and homework can be a big adjustment for children and parents. It is normal for your child to feel a wide range of emotions during this time. There may be feelings of sadness as summer time comes to an end; excitement to go back to see friends; and for some there may be feelings of nervousness. It is normal for kids to feel a little nervous or scared on the first day of school because of all the new things they may encounter (new teachers, new friends and maybe even a new school).
Fortunately there are things you can do to help ease your child (and family) back into the transition of school.
1. Provide a consistent routine. Developing a consistent morning and evening routine and even a good bye routine at school drop off time can help lower your child’s anxiety. Consistency helps provide safety and security for children.
2. Keep lines of communication open. Talk with your child about their concerns with school and even role play how to handle these situations.
3. Most importantly, make sure to get plenty of sleep. It is helpful to establish a sleep routine before the first week of school to help with this transition. Also keep in mind children between the ages of 5 and 12 need 10-11 hours of sleep each night.
4. Pack your backpack the night before and leave it by the front door to help ensure that things run more smoothly the next morning.
5. Eat a healthy breakfast every morning before school.
For children who may experience more anxiety during this time there are additional suggestions parents can take to help:
1. Let your child know you care- you can send personal notes in the lunch box or backpac
2. Do not overreact. The first few days may be difficult, especially for younger children, try not to overreact. During drop-off time, do not linger. Reassure them that you love them, you believe in their ability to be successful, and will see them after school.
3. Reinforce your child’s ability to cope. Give your child a few simple strategies to help him/her manage a difficult situation.
4. Most importantly maintain a positive attitude towards school. Children are sensitive to their parent’s energy and will mirror how they feel.
If your child continues to experience severe anxiety with going to school you might want to seek professional help. At Crossroads Family Counseling Center, LLC we are experienced Child and Family Therapists specializing in
childhood anxiety. Contact us at crossroadsfcc@gmail.com or 703-380-9045.
Written by: Denise Booth who is a Virginia Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) with over 10 years experience working with children and families. She specializes in providing therapy to children and adolescents dealing with trauma and PTSD, behavioral issues at home and school, as well as anxiety, depression, self-esteem and substance abuse. In her work with parents, she strives to enhance parent-child relationships and strengthen parenting skills.
Strategies for Sibling Fighting
Wouldn’t it be nice if you’re children loved being together during the summer? If they enjoyed playing together, the same activities and watching the same TV show etc…? Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case. If your children are having a difficult time getting along and it’s driving you crazy here are some tips on how to help your children get along.
The Child Development Institute has several suggestions for Simple Parenting Techniques That Work:
1. When the rivalry progresses to excessive physical or verbal violence OR when the number incidents of rivalry seem excessive, take action. (Action does speak louder than words). Talk with your children about what is going on. Provide suggestions on how they can handle the situation when it occurs such as:
- Ignoring the teasing.
- Simply agreeing (in a kidding way) that whatever the teaser is saying is true.
- Telling the teaser that enough is enough.
- When these measures aren’t working ask the person in charge (parent, baby sitter) for help.
2. When the above does not work, introduce a family plan to help with the situation that provides negative and positive consequences for all concerned such as:
- When there is any fighting or shouting, all involved will have a consequence such as a time out or writing sentences (“I will play nicely with my brother).
- However, when we can go the whole day or afternoon or evening (whatever makes sense for your situation), then everyone will earn a privilege such as (1) you can have a snack, (2) I will read you a story, (3) we will all play a game together, (4) I will play outside with you (catch, etc) or (5) you can stay up later. (Note that several of these provide parental attention for appropriate behavior).
3. Develop a system for evenly distributing coveted privileges. In other words, a system for taking turns for such things as:
- Who gets to ride “shot gun” in the car. (It’s amazing how many teenagers and young adult siblings still make this an important issue).
- Who gets to push the button in the elevator;
- Who gets to chose where to go to eat lunch or dinner,
- Who gets to chose the television show,
- Who does the dishes or takes out the trash (rotate on a weekly or monthly basis)
One of the simplest things you can do is create a competition between your children. Whoever has the most random acts of kindness for their siblings for the week wins a reward. It has to be something the parent sees or is aware of. You keep track of the random acts and tally them up at the end of the week. The child that has the most points earns a reward. It’s nice if it’s a reward that everyone in the family can benefit from. For example: the winner gets to pick what is for dinner that night, where to go out to eat, they get to pick a family outing or game. Positive Family fun time also promotes positive sibling interactions.
Look on Pinterest for some cool activities that siblings can do together this summer. http://pinterest.com/savingcase/sibling-activities/
For more information on parenting strategies go to: http://childdevelopmentinfo.com/ages-stages/school-age-children-development-parenting-tips/sibling_rivalry/
Written by: Sheri Mitschelen, LCSW, RPT/S, Owner and Director of Crossroads Family Counseling Center, LLC a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) in the State of Virginia and a Registered Play Therapy-Supervisor (RPT-S).
Get to know Your Child’s Brain
Getting to know more about the human brain can strengthen your parenting skills, especially when it comes to tantrums, fears, and coping with scary experiences. “The Whole-Brain Child,” by Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. and Tina Payne Bryson, PhD, is an excellent, readable book that provides tools and understanding about what’s going on in your child’s brain when they get “out of control,” and how you can use this understanding to soothe and get through to them quickly.
The brain develops throughout childhood and consists of different parts with highly specialized functions. For example, the “downstairs brain” (brain stem and limbic system), as authors Siegel and Bryson describe it, is responsible for involuntary survival functions, like breathing and the “fight or flight” reaction to danger. It’s also home to the emotions we feel when threatened: anger and fear. This part of the brain is well-developed from birth.
In contrast, the “upstairs brain” (cerebral cortex), home of sophisticated functions like self-control, empathy, decision-making, and morality, is not fully developed until early adulthood! Toddlers, therefore, simply do not have the brain capacity to be upstanding citizens all the time.
Siegel and Bryson assert that brain integration (coordination and communication across different regions of the brain) leads to mental well-being in children and adults. As parents, we can help our children thrive by fostering brain integration. For example, here is a look at how brain science can help us understand tantrums and how to handle them.
TAMING A TANTRUM
Pre-schoolers are infamous for their tantrums. Individual temperament varies, but most parents know what it’s like to be with a toddler, who is red in the face, flailing about, and screaming about something they really want (more cake, a longer playdate, another child’s trike) but just can’t have. If you have ever tried to appeal to a raging toddler with reason and logic, you know… it just doesn’t work! Brain science tells us why.
Tantrums are a form of fight or flight response driven by the lower brain emotions of anger and/or fear. Once a toddler’s “downstairs brain” is simmering in stress hormones, they can’t access their upper brain to gain self-control. So, next time you are exasperated with a raging toddler. Remember, they are not being manipulative. They are literally stuck in the dungeon of their downstairs brain. Punitive statements, like“No more play dates for you,” will only send them deeper into the dungeon.
To connect with your tantruming toddler, start by soothing their “downstairs brain.” Reflect their feelings: “That makes you really mad!” Comforting them with, perhaps, a hug or a glass of milk and a reminder, “I love you even when you are mad at me.” Once the stress hormones have subsided and they calm down, you can engage with their “upstairs brain,” particularly with children ages 4 and up. “Why do you think you got so mad?
By soothing first, and discussing later, you are engaging with both the “downstairs” and the “upstairs” brain. Once you start asking them to use their upper brain to think about this lower brain “Would it help you to have more warning time before the end of your next play date?” you are helping them to integrate their brain. They may then be able to cope with the next frustration better.
RECOGNIZING HOW MUCH YOU ARE DOING ALREADY
Siegel and Bryson’s book is filled with simple parenting strategies based on brain research. In reading it, you may find that you are already implementing some of them. One of the exciting things about the latest brain research is that it explains and validates our natural parenting instincts, as well as the parenting tools laid out in other popular parenting books, such as “The Happiest Toddler on the Block” by Harvey Karp, M.D.
Written by Laelia Gilborn, M.S.W.,M.P.H., Ms. Gilborn holds two Masters Degrees in both Social Work and Public Health. She has additional training in child-centered play therapy and other therapeutic approaches to working with children. She has a special interest and experience with supporting families who are coping with health-related challenges and grief and loss issues.
Test Taking Strategies to Manage Stress and Anxiety
This time of year often brings excitement to children as the weather gets warmer and they begin to look forward to summer break and family vacations. For many children; however, this can also be a time of stress and anxiety. As the school year winds down students are preparing to take Standard of Learning (SOL) tests and/or taking final exams. This can sometimes evoke feelings of stress, anxiety, and worry in students. While some nervousness can be helpful for motivation, large amounts of nervousness, stress, and anxiety can interfere or even impair a student’s ability to think clearly, plan, and perform well on tests.
The list below provides a few warning signs that your child maybe suffering from test taking anxiety.
Signs that a child is worried, stressed, or overly anxious about test taking:
- Puts self down or calls self “stupid”
- Has an upset stomach or tension headache before a test
- Doesn’t want to go to school, especially on test day
Strategies to help prepare for test day:
- Be prepared- It is important to study some each night so that you are not cramming the night before the big test. The night before the test, organize the materials you will need for the next day to prevent stress the next morning.
- Get a good night’s sleep the night before the test.
- Choose a comfortable location for taking the test- A seat with good lighting and minimal distractions
- Strive for a relaxed state of concentration- Avoid speaking with any fellow students who have not prepared, who express negativity, who will distract your preparation.
- Eat a nutritious breakfast- Don’t go to the exam with an empty stomach. Fresh fruits and vegetables are often recommended to reduce stress. Avoid caffeine which is known to increase anxiety.
- Take a small snack, or some other nourishment- This can help to take student’s mind off of his/her anxiety during the test.
- Manage your time during the test– If you don’t know an answer, come back to it.
- Avoid the feeling, “I’m stuck!”- Those tricky problems can knock you off balance. Don’t get worried or frustrated. Reread the question to make sure you understand it, and then try to solve it the best way you know how. If you’re still stuck, circle it and move on. You can come back to it later. What if you have no idea about the answer? Review your options and make the best guess you can, but only if you don’t lose points for wrong answers.
- Have a positive attitude- Having a positive attitude can go a long way towards success and help manage text anxiety.
Even when children and teens follow all the steps above, they can still experience increased anxiety during the test. Studies have shown that students that practice relaxation techniques can achieve higher test scores. Relaxation techniques such as, deep breathing, visualizing, and positive statements are easy to implement. Listed below are just a few examples of techniques that you can teach your child to implement during the test to help lower anxiety levels.
Relaxation Techniques:
- Close your eyes and breathe deeply, all the way to your abdomen, so it rises and falls.
- Focus on your breathing. Exhale slowly, and as you exhale, let go of negative thoughts and tension.
- Imagine yourself taking a test. See yourself in the classroom sitting calmly, breathing, and thinking positive thoughts. Feel more calm and confident with each breath you exhale.
- See yourself reading the questions and answering them one at a time, slowly and carefully. You are in control; you have prepared and have all the knowledge you need to pass the test.
- Notice how regular your breathing is and how calm and confident you are. Continue to breathe slowly and deeply for another 5 breaths, and open your eyes feeling relaxed and alert.
Not only can these strategies and techniques help your child on test day but they can also provide a framework for your child to draw upon throughout his/her school career.
Denise Booth is a Virginia Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) with over 10 years experience working with children and families. She specializes in providing therapy to adolescents dealing with trauma and PTSD, behavioral issues at home and school, as well as anxiety, depression, self-esteem and substance abuse. In her work with parents, she strives to enhance parent-child relationships and strengthen parenting skills.
