Preschool Children
Ellie Zadeh, MS, Resident in Counseling
Elizabeth Uffelman, LPC
Angela Benitez, M.A., Resident in Counseling
Ethan Kaste, M.S., Resident in Counseling
Amanda Harrington, PhD, LPC
4 Red Flags in Your Child’s Play
Let me start this post with some questions for you: When your child displays a behavior that is worrisome, what do you do? When your child’s teacher or school tells you she’s worried about your child’s academic perfomance, what do you do? If a parent shares with you a concern about your child’s emotional state, what do you do?
If you’ve answered any of these questions with “seek help”, then chances are you are on the lookout for behavioral + emotional red flags in your child. Did you know these red flags can also be found in your child’s play?
The way to identify these is to pay attention, be present, listen and observe to the quality and content of your child’s play. These red flags might be tell you it’s time to seek help, preferably with a play therapist (read here to know more about play therapy), and to help your child tackle whatever anxietyor emotional discomfort they might be experiencing. Here is a list of the most frequent red flags children might display:
Aggressive play
Before we discuss aggressive play it’s important to differentiate three different ideas: aggressive themes, aggresive play and rough play. Aggressive themes refer to the content of the playing narrative: what type of stories is your child playing out? What type of dialogue are they including in their play? If there is conflict or strong negative emotions associated with this, it’s possible that your child is displaying an aggressive theme. Is this something you should worry you? Not necessarily – remember that play is your child’s language, and if they are displaying these emotions in their fantasy, that just means they won’t need to act them out in real life. However, if this becomes a consistent trend and extends to their way of relating to people, observe it closely.
Aggressive play refers to the way your child interacts with the toys, materials, and other people involved in their play. Is your child throwing toys to other people? Picking fights with whoever plays with them? Insulting or throwing out mean comments? If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, then your child might display an aggressive play. Which shouldn’t be confused with natural“rough and tumble play”, which is a normal part of a healthy childhood development.
Inconclusive and/or persistently doomed endings in play
This refers to the content, narrative and storytelling of the playing scenario. Most children’s stories have an ending. Some times they don’t necessarily make sense to adults, but they provide a closure and ending for the child. When the playing narrative is inconclusive or your child displays a consistently doomed ending, however, it may be given us a sign of a complex emotional state in the child.
If we use the premise that through play children are able to manifest their inner lives, then we can comprehend why an inconclusive finale or a doomed ending might be worrisome. It might let us know that the child doesn’t know which resources to use for problem solving or is having a negative outlook on life – or alerting us about an inner conflict we would be unaware of otherwise. If you will interact and ask your child about this, make sure to keep the conversation about “the game”. For instance, rather than saying “why are your games so sad” it’s better to ask “I wonder what happens in these worlds where everyone is so sad most of the time”.
Strict or constrictive play
What’s the difference between bending a ruler and bending a straw? Which one will break faster? The ruler is doomed to fail this test of flexibility because that’s precisely what it lacks. The same happens with human beings: the stiffer or less flexible we are, the more anxious our inner lives. And in children, this sometimes can be displayed in their play.
Whenever you feel your child’s “fantasy worlds” or playing narratives are becoming too constrictive, this might alert you about a possible inner rigidity. These are the type of children who struggle with low frustration tolerance or adapting to new situations, which can become a difficulty in their lives.
Fantasy-aversive play
Does your child’s games and narrative seem too real? Do they have difficulties surrendering to the fantasy? Do they have trouble letting go their imagination? If the answer to any of these questions is ‘yes’, then your child might be having some difficulty immersing into fantasy.
Fantasy is important in play because it helps children rehearse and play out scenarios from their real lives, even though they are disguised as magical worlds. In a psychological sense, these fantasy worlds help children feel less anxious about working through their inner struggles, which may include anything from sibling rivalry or a difficult parent situation. When a child loses their ability to fantasize, they begin to lose their hope that there is a resolution to their angst. And, consequently, a lack of hope might bring out a longlist of psychological disturbances.
Paying attention to your child’s play is not only engaging and nurturing to your parent-child bond, but it can be incredibly enlightening and a great tool towards mental health prevention. The key is to not question, not impose your ideas of what their play should be about or what it should include. Just listen and observe.
Written by:Mariana Plata is a licensed psychologist from Panama with a Master’s degree in Child and Adolescent Clinical Psychology in California. She is also a play therapist in training from the Association for Play Therapy (APT), mental health writer and public speaker.
7 Facts You Need to Know about ADHD
Many parents wonder or worry if their child has ADHD or a teacher may have concerns about it.
1) ADHD is Real.
Nearly every mainstream medical, psychological, and educational organization in the United States long ago concluded that Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a real, brain-based medical disorder. Tese organizations also concluded that children and adults with ADHD benefit from appropriate treatment.
2) ADHD is a Common, Non-Discriminatory Disorder.
ADHD is a non-discriminatory disorder affecting people of every age, gender, IQ, religious and socio-economic background. In 2011, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported that the percentage of children in the United States who have ever been diagnosed with ADHD is now 9.5%.8 Boys are diagnosed two to three times as often as girls. Among adults, the Harvard/NIMH National Comorbidity Survey Replication found 4.4% percent of adults, ages 18-44 in the United States, experience symptoms and some disability.9 ADHD, AD/HD, and ADD all refer to the same disorder. The only difference is that some people have hyperactivity and some people don’t.
3) Diagnosing ADHD is a complex process.
In order for a diagnosis of ADHD to be considered, the person must exhibit a large number of symptoms, demonstrate significant problems with daily life in several major life areas (work, school, or friends), and have had the symptoms for a minimum of six months.
To complicate the diagnostic process, many of the symptoms look like extreme forms of normal behavior. Additionally, a number of other conditions resemble ADHD. Therefore, other possible causes of the symptoms must be taken into consideration before reaching a diagnosis of ADHD.
What makes ADHD different from other conditions is that the symptoms are excessive, pervasive, and persistent. That is, behaviors are more extreme, show up in multiple settings, and continue showing up throughout life.
No single test will confirm that a person has ADHD. Instead, diagnosticians rely on a variety of tools, the most important of which is information about the person and his or her behavior and environment.
4) Other Mental Health Conditions Frequently Co-Occur with ADHD.
- Up to 30% of children and 25-40% of adults with ADHD have a co-existing anxiety disorder.
- Experts claim that up to 70% of those with ADHD will be treated for depression at some point in their lives.
- Sleep disorders affect people with ADHD two to three times as often as those without it. A
5) ADHD is Not Benign.
Particularly when the ADHD is undiagnosed and untreated, it contributes to:
• Problems succeeding in school and successfully graduating.
• Problems at work, lost productivity, and reduced earning power.
• Problems with relationships.
• More driving citations and accidents.
• Problems with overeating and obesity.
• Problems with the law.
According to Dr. Joseph Biederman, professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, ADHD may be one of the costliest medical conditions in the United States: “Evaluating, diagnosing and treating this condition may not only improve the quality of life, but may save billions of dollars every year.”
6) ADHD is Nobody’s FAULT.
ADHD is NOT caused by moral failure, poor parenting, family problems, poor teachers or schools, too much TV, food allergies, or excess sugar. Instead, research shows that ADHD is both highly genetic (with the majority of ADHD cases having a genetic component), and a brain-based disorder (with the symptoms of ADHD linked to many specific brain areas).
The factors that appear to increase a child’s likelihood of having the disorder include gender, family history, prenatal risks, environmental toxins, and physical differences in the brain.
7) ADHD Treatment is Multi-Faceted.
Currently, available treatments focus on reducing the symptoms of ADHD and improving functioning. Treatments include medication, various types of psychotherapy, behavioral interventions, education or training, and educational support. Usually a person with ADHD receives a combination of treatments.
Written by: ADHDAwarenessMonth.org
If your child is struggling with ADHD we can help. We can help your child learn techniques to manage their behaviors and emotions while helping you as parents how to help your child.
Please contact us at info@crossraodsfamilycc.com.
Healthy Self Esteem in your Child
With August in full swing, the summer is coming to an end – meaning back to school is just around the corner! While you may be ready and eager for your children and teens to go back, it’s important to remember that back to school season is always a big transition for them. The new school year often brings feelings of both excitability and anxiety. We typically think about starting school for the first time or transitioning to a new school to be the biggest adjustment, but simply moving up a grade can also provide anxiety-inducing challenges like the increasing academic demands, getting to know a new teacher, and shifting in friend groups.
How can you help make the transition from summer to school easy and successful for your child? While there are a number of ways, fostering a healthy self-esteem in your child will be the most lasting. Helping your child develop self-esteem will play an important role in their happiness and success in school and in life beyond. A child with a healthy self-esteem is more likely to act independently, take on new tasks and challenges, accept personal responsibility, handle both positive and negative emotions, and be proud of their achievements.
You are the best person to foster self-esteem in your child and it’s not as hard as it sounds!
Here are some suggestions:
Words of encouragement: Children are not mind-readers – they can’t tell when you are feeling good about them so remember to express positive feelings to them! Children do remember these positive statements and will often repeat these statements to themselves. So be generous with your praise. Tell your child that you appreciate their kindness or ability to withstand challenges.
Promote positive self-talk: When we engage in negative self-talk, we are more likely to feel anxious or depressed. Thus, it is important to promote positive self-talk as much as possible. You can do this by being a model to your child and verbalizing your own positive self-talk in front of them.
Reassurance: Create an environment where your child feels comfortable coming to you to express their worries and talk through their challenges. Be an empathic ear validating their fears and concerns and also make sure to reframe their worries and concerns as new, positive opportunities with enthusiasm. If your child ever feels uncertain, reassure him or her that she will be there for emotionally and any other way they might need. Make sure your child feels that coming home and to you is a comfort.
Decision-making: Help your children become more aware of their ability to make decisions. Create a discussion around your child’s decision; with your help, have him or her clarify the problem that requires decision-making by asking questions about how he or she understands and feels about the problem as well as what needs to be changed. Brainstorm the solutions (and the consequences of each solution) with your child and help him or her see that there is usually more than one solution to a problem. After your child has made a decision, come back together at a later time and talk about the results of his or her decision-making.
Written by: Paige Frasso is an intern at Crossroads Family Counseling Center and also provides therapeutic services at Virginia Tech’s Center for Family Services located in Falls Church, VA. She is currently working on completing her Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy at Virginia Tech.
Sources:
- https://childdevelopmentinfo.com/child-psychology/self-esteem/?utm_source=Subscribers&utm_campaign=232d31e46e-CDI_Newsletter_July_26th_2017&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_4b8909d9c1-232d31e46e-103844181&goal=0_4b8909d9c1-232d31e46e-103844181&mc_cid=232d31e46e&mc_eid=8f8d190bdd#.WXtwydPys6g
- http://www.ahaparenting.com/Ages-stages/school-age/Preparing-kids-child-New-School-Year
- http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sherrie-campbell-phd/send-your-kids-back-to-school-with-confidence_b_5646529.html
How to Handle Bedtime Battles
We all know how sleep can greatly impact how we feel, but what do we do when our children continue to find ways to avoid going to bed? The National Institute of Health (2012) explains that sleep deprivation in children may cause them to have trouble getting along with peers, mood swings, irritability, difficulties paying attention, decreased grades, and increased stress. Some of the reasons children may avoid going to bed can be a fear of the dark or nightmares, being overly stimulated right before bed, concerns about the next day, or separation anxiety from their caretaker. So what are some ways that we can increase our chances of getting children to bed at a decent time with less of a battle?
- Bedtime Routine: This should be consistent, even on the weekends and summer breaks. A good practice is to begin this an hour or two before an established bedtime to start winding down. Decide on the order of how things will go and be consistent with this each night.
- Give Warnings: Another way to help stick to the routine with less protest is by giving warnings. This may be a verbal warning or consider using a timer for things.
- Be Firm: Children that avoid the bed have become masterminds at diversions and coming up with excuses that keep them awake. Be firm, and consist by calmly guiding them back to bed.
- Check ins and How to Handle the Nighttime Wanderer: This is for children who have a hard time separating from their parents at night and call out your name to have you join them. Make an agreement that you will do a check in in 5-10 minutes or they get “3 call backs.”
- Reward Systems: Set up a reward system if your child is having a hard time staying in their bed, such as sticker charts and marble jars. Let them work up to earning different rewards that are motivating to them.
- Avoid: Electronics before bed, sugary foods, caffeine, or over stimulating activities such as more strenuous exercise.
Difficulties going to sleep tend to be a common issue among children, however, establishing good sleep habits at a young age will help to continue this trend in later years. Carolyn Webster-Stratton, Ph.D. states that 30-40% of children have trouble going to sleep and will engage in behaviors that postpone bedtime. Remember to be consistent, use a routine, and start winding down 1-2 hours before bed. This will not only help the child’s mental health, but also allow for parents to be more rested and mentally healthy as well.
References:
National Institute of Health, (2012), Explore Sleep Depravation and Sleep Deficiency. Retrieved from https://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/health-topics/topics/sdd#
Webster-Stratton, C. (2005). The Incredible Years: A Trouble Shooting Guild for Parents of Children Aged 2-8 Years. Seattle, WA: Incredible Years.
Written by: Michelle Walker is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) in the Commonwealth of VA. She has expertise in working with early childhood, school-aged children, and their families. She focuses on building a trusting relationship with the child and family through a warm and empathetic approach. Michelle believes in the power of play when working with children, as this is their natural language.
Fun Ways To Spend Time With Your Child When Waiting…
There are few more boring (and often uncomfortable) places to be than a waiting room. The boredom of waiting to be called, and the social discomfort at sharing our conversations with others in close proximity seems to infect us all. In most cases the best we can offer is to either look at our phone while the kids remain bored and restless, or give our kids the phone so they can be entertained. It has been well-documented that technology has decreased human interactions. Our incessant need to constantly check our phones for messages, emails, and texts, combined with social media posting has caused a significant decrease in the quantity and quality of our interpersonal communications. As a result it becomes too easy to just pick up our phones and check for messages.
In the days before smartphones and tablets parents would be forced to bring coloring books, play ‘eye-spy’ etc. to keep children occupied and entertained. But beyond the scope of entertainment and killing time, turning to electronic devices to keep ourselves or our kids entertained can be a missed opportunity to connect with our loved ones through activities and games.
Children from the ages of 8-18 spend an average of seven-and-a-half hours each day interacting with an electronic devices – not including the hour-and-a-half children at these ages text or the time they spend talking on the phone (Kaiser Family Foundation, 2010). A recent study by Bernier et al., (2016) found that a variety of parent interactions with their children can enhance normative brain developments, especially in younger children. Parental interactions help children develop a sense of self (Tronick & Beeghly, 2011), and model various emotional expressions as well as emotional regulation skills (e.g. self-calming and self-control skills NCPFCE (2013).
Activities
Families can engage in everyday learning activities – even with very young children – and help them to develop lifelong motivation, persistence, and a love of learning (Dunst, Bruder, Trivette & Hamby, 2006). In addition, parents can promote successful life transitions and persistence by engaging children in activities such as reading together and sharing exciting conversations about educational topics (McWayne, Fantuzzo, Cohen, & Sekino, 2004). The key point here is reading TOGETHER and making the conversations interactive and relevant versus just giving the child a book to look at/read. Here is a sample of activities that children and parents can engage in:
- Drawing/Coloring/Games – keep a DVD case with paper and crayons inside for drawing, or, alternately, carry a mini black/white board for tic-tac-toe etc.
- Funny Faces – find faces in the room, even if they’re not ‘real’ faces
- Eye-Spy – adjust for age: “I spy with my little eye, something beginning with (letter) (color) (object)
- ‘Roll The Dice’ – carry a small dice and see who can roll the highest number (tip: place it in a small food bag so it doesn’t roll away)
- Read books together
- Styling – style dolls hair together
- Thumb-battles
- ‘I went to the shop and I bought…’(one item, then two, then three…)
- Cards – play card games together such as ‘SNAP’
- Etch–a-Sketch – make pictures together
- And most important….SNACKS!
Some items to have in the car and take into an appointment:
- Small cars (like matchbox cars)
- A small bag, box or large pencil case to keep things in
- Mini balls
- Calculator
- Pipe cleaners
- Playing cards
- Small toys
- Small doll/animal figurines
- Colouring pad & pencils
- Magnadoodle
- Etch-a-sketch
- Books
- Paddle pop sticks
- Clip Board box with pencils & paper
(Modified from www.beafunmum.com)
These activities will provide the child with a positive experience of the appointments’ waiting room and increase their overall experience, thus reducing anxiety of the next time they have to make a visit. In addition, reducing boredom often equates to maintaining good behavior. Children often become restless and disruptive when they are bored and these activities can reduce these incidences. However, these visits require some forward thinking/planning. Arriving at the office waiting room and realizing you have no ideas or tools to entertain the child can leave you and the child with nothing to do – and resorting to the smartphone/tablet solution. Familiarize yourself with the various games, both with and without props that you may take with you.
Parent-Child Relations
The quality time that parents commit to spending with their children has a tremendously positive effect on their relationship. It is widely documented that parents who spend time teaching and nurturing their children strengthen the attachment relationship. Science suggests that attachment with the parent/caregiver at a young age can pave the way for how the child handles interpersonal relations on all levels as they mature, including into adult life. As the child interacts with the parent through play they develop a connection. It is important to note that the ‘performance’ of the child, i.e. whether they are reading, writing or drawing well in the activity, is less important than the attention the parent gives the child in being present with them and not distracted. In addition, it should be noted that these interactions are always a healthy part of the child’s day and parents should try to incorporate this type of time/interaction with the child into every day, and not just while waiting for an appointment. With the busy lifestyles many of us lead this can be extremely challenging. But even 5-10 minutes a day can have a positive impact and strengthen the parent-child bonds.
Dave Edwards is the clinical intern at Crossroads Family Counseling Center in Fairfax, VA. He is a student in the M.A. in Clinical Mental Health Counseling program at Marymount University in Arlington, VA. He will be a full-time therapist at Crossroads from May 2016. He is also a full-time professional soccer coach and has been working with youth for 27 years.
Is Your Child’s Anxiety Normal?
It’s September and school is starting or has already started from many children around the Commonwealth of VA.
This time of year creates a lot of mixed emotions. Many children are excited to go back to school, happy to see friends and proud to move up to the next level in school. For some children however, they may have feelings of sadness that the summer is over, they may be nervous about what their teacher will be like, scared that they won’t know anyone in their class or anxious about starting school in general.
Likewise, many parents are excited for their children, nervous, scared, worried, sad and happy that their children are returning to school.
All of these feelings are normal. However, this time of year brings a lot of anxiety for children. Anxiety in children often looks different in a child then it does for an adult. Children don’t always know they are experiencing anxiety. Anxiety can often come out in their behavior or as a physical symptom. Around 5-10% of children struggle with an anxiety disorder. The onset of clinical anxiety is typically around six years old, usually at the same time children start school full-time; symptoms can escalate around age 10.
These symptoms include: (from Anxiety.org)
• Agitation
• Restlessness
• Inattention, poor focus
• Somatic symptoms like headaches or stomachaches
• Avoidance
• Tantrums
• Crying
• Refusing to go to school
• Meltdowns before school about clothing, hair, shoes, socks
• Meltdowns after school about homework
• Difficulties with transitions within school, and between school and an activity/sport
• Difficulty settling down for bed
• Having high expectations for school work, homework and sports performance.
Essentially, anxiety in children tends to manifest as negative behaviors that you may have glimpsed briefly in the past, but that are becoming consistent and intense.
There are many different types of anxiety:
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
If your child has generalized anxiety disorder, or GAD, he or she will worry excessively about a variety of things such as grades, family issues, relationships with peers, and performance in sports.
Children with GAD tend to be very hard on themselves and strive for perfection. They may also seek constant approval or reassurance from others. Generalized anxiety disorder (or GAD) affects about three to five percent of youth and often occurs with one or more of the other types of anxiety
Separation Anxiety Disorder
Separation anxiety disorder is common between 18 months and 3 years old.
If your child is slightly older and unable to leave you or another family member, or takes longer to calm down after you leave than other children, then the problem could be separation anxiety disorder, which affects 4 percent of children. This disorder is most common in kids ages seven to nine.
When separation anxiety disorder occurs, a child experiences excessive anxiety away from home or when separated from parents or caregivers. Extreme homesickness and feelings of misery at not being with loved ones are common.
Other symptoms include refusing to go to school, camp, or a sleepover, and demanding that someone stay with them at bedtime. Children with separation anxiety commonly worry about bad things happening to their parents or caregivers or may have a vague sense of something terrible occurring while they are apart.
Social Anxiety Disorder
Social anxiety disorder, or social phobia, is characterized by an intense fear of social and performance situations and activities such as being called on in class or starting a conversation with a peer.
This can significantly impair your child’s school performance and attendance, as well as his or her ability to socialize with peers and develop and maintain relationships.
Selective Mutism
Children who refuse to speak in situations where talking is expected or necessary, to the extent that their refusal interferes with school and making friends, may suffer from selective mutism.
Children suffering from selective mutism may stand motionless and expressionless, turn their heads, chew or twirl hair, avoid eye contact, or withdraw into a corner to avoid talking.
These children can be very talkative and display normal behaviors at home or in another place where they feel comfortable. Parents are sometimes surprised to learn from a teacher that their child refuses to speak at school.
The average age of diagnosis is between 4 and 8 years old, or around the time a child enters school.
Specific Phobias
A specific phobia is the intense, irrational fear of a specific object, such as a dog, or a situation, such as flying. Common childhood phobias include animals, storms, heights, water, blood, the dark, and medical procedures.
Children will avoid situations or things that they fear, or endure them with anxious feelings, which can manifest as crying, tantrums, clinging, avoidance, headaches, and stomachaches. Unlike adults, they do not usually recognize that their fear is irrational.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
OCD is characterized by unwanted and intrusive thoughts (obsessions) and feeling compelled to repeatedly perform rituals and routines (compulsions) to try and ease anxiety.
Most children with OCD are diagnosed around age 10, although the disorder can strike children as young as two or three. Boys are more likely to develop OCD before puberty, while girls tend to develop it during adolescence.
You can get more information at http://www.adaa.org/living-with-anxiety/children/childhood-anxiety-disorders
According to the Association for anxiety and depression, if an anxiety disorder is causing your child to struggle at school academically or socially, the first step is to talk to the teacher, principal, or counselor about your concerns. The key to helping a child thrive is early intervention. After an anxiety disorder diagnosis, Art therapy and play therapy can be helpful as well as cognitive behavior therapy (or CBT).
For more information or to have your child evaluated you can contact Crossroads Family Counseling Center, LLC.
Written by: Sheri Mitschelen, LCSW, RPT/S Owner and Director of Crossroads Family Counseling Center, LLC a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) in the State of Virginia and a Registered Play Therapy-Supervisor (RPT-S). She has over 25 years of experience working with children, adolescents and families and has helped many children and families manage their anxiety successfully.
What is Sensory Processing Disorder?
Have you often wondered why your child complains about the tags or seems of clothing? Or, why he or she might have difficulty with bright lights or loud noises? Have you ever noticed that your child often bumps into things, or gets scrapes and bruises after frequent falls? Or, does it seem like your child does not know his or her own strength when touching, hugging, or playing? Do you find yourself struggling when preparing meals because your child is a picky eater and refuses to eat certain types of food that the rest of your family enjoys?
If you answered “yes” to any, or all, of these questions, your child might be experiencing challenges with Sensory Processing or Sensory Integration. Sensory Processing is one’s ability to handle the information that enters through the five senses—sound, touch, taste, sight, and smell. Proprioception (sense of body awareness) and vestibular sense (sense of movement, balance, and coordination) are two additional senses that also assist with sensory processing.
When children experience too much, or too little, stimulation through their senses, they can feel uncomfortable, anxious, and /or irritable. They may perform behaviors that seem socially awkward or inappropriate. When a child’s sense of taste or smell is challenged, he or she may find it difficult to tolerate certain textures, tastes, temperatures, or smells of foods. Even though you know that your child is bright and wants to make and keep friends, he or she may have difficulty focusing, feeling confident, and performing successfully in school and socializing with peers.
When children are prone to having frequent sensory experiences that bring negative, or even traumatic, consequences, they can experience varying degrees of anxiety, or even flashbacks, and they often find ways to avoid the potential of negative sensory experiences in an effort to cope. However, when overly stressed and overwhelmed with negative stimuli in their environment, or when under-stimulated, they may respond in ways that seem oppositional, impulsive, manipulative, and/or hostile, leading the adults in their lives to feel puzzled, concerned, and/or frustrated. While some children diagnosed with autism, ADHD, or OCD can have sensory challenges, there are some children who have no diagnoses and have sensory challenges.
Symptoms
According to the Child Mind Institute (www.childmind.org), there are two types of sensory processing challenges—under-sensitivity and over-sensitivity—although one child can experience both kinds.
When children are hypersensitive, they are over-sensitive, and they often display extreme behaviors when feeling overwhelmed in response to sensory stimulation.
For example, they may:
• Scream, yell, and/or cry when they have difficulty tolerating bright lights and/or loud noises, like ambulance sirens or popping balloons;
• Refuse to wear certain types of clothing because they feel scratchy or irritating, or shoes because they feel “too tight;”
• Be distracted or irritated by background noises that others do not seem to hear;
• Be fearful of unexpected touch, and avoid hugs and cuddling, even with familiar adults;
• Be overly fearful of swings and playground equipment;
• Have frequent difficulty understanding where their body is in relation to other objects or people, causing them to bump into things and appear clumsy; and,
• Have trouble sensing the amount of force they are applying, like when they unintentionally rip the paper when erasing, tap someone too hard, or slam down objects.
When children are hyposensitive, they are under-sensitive, and they often go to extreme lengths to seek out more sensory stimulation. They may:
• Have a constant need to touch people or textures, even when it’s not socially acceptable;
• Have difficulty understanding personal space, even when kids the same age are old enough to understand it;
• Have an extremely high tolerance for pain;
• Have difficulty understanding their own strength;
• Be very fidgety and unable to sit still;
• Crave jumping, bumping, and crashing activities;
• Enjoy deep pressure like tight bear hugs;
• Crave fast, spinning, and/or intense movement; and,
• Love being tossed in the air and jumping on furniture and trampolines.
How Can Your Child Get Help
Occupational therapists (or OTs) are the specialists who work with children who have sensory processing challenges. Using Sensory Integration Therapy (SIT), occupational therapists work closely and carefully with children to help them manage and integrate environmental stimuli. In rooms that often contain colorful balls and other playful materials that are very inviting to children, occupational therapists facilitate safe and appropriate opportunities for physical movements, like spinning, crashing and jumping, so that children can experience an optimal level of arousal and regulation. Occupational therapists can also provide strategies for children, their parents, and their teachers to use at home, school, and playtime, so that children can experience greater moments of success socially and academically. Often, occupational therapists will work with children within their natural environments, like homes or schools, and they will collaborate and coordinate services with other important professionals in children’s lives, like physicians, mental health therapists, teachers, and speech therapists.
According to The American Occupational Therapy Association, Inc. (AOTA), benefits of occupational therapy can include improved sensory processing, motor, cognitive, communication, and play skills. The earlier children receive Sensory Integration Therapy, the faster they can be on their way to experiencing greater self-confidence, and less discomfort, anxiety, and irritability in their daily lives. Parents can feel more joy, as they watch their children being more cooperative, experiencing greater success, thriving, and having more fun!
For more information, you can go to the following websites:
The American Occupational Therapy Association, Inc. (AOTA)
www.aota.org
Child Mind Institute
www.childmind.org
Also see:
The Out-of-Sync Child: Recognizing and Coping with Sensory Processing Disorder by Carol Stock Kranowitz, M.A.
Written by:
Sharon Lucas, LCSW, MSEd, is a Virginia Licensed Clinical Social Worker, who has been providing psychotherapy services for children, adolescents and families for over 15 years. She has worked extensively with children and adolescents who have had challenges related to adjustment, anxiety, depression, behavior and anger management, ADHD, sensory integration, learning disabilities, developmental delays, chronic illness, attachment disorder, parental separation and divorce, grief and loss and trauma. Sharon specializes in adoption and attachment-related issues.
How to help children manage their BIG emotions
Has your child ever had a melt down over something that appeared insignificant? Or they have a low frustration tolerance and get out of control easily? Emotional regulation refers to a person’s ability to understand and accept his or her emotional experience, to engage in healthy strategies to manage uncomfortable emotions when necessary. Some kids find it easy to manage their emotions while others have significant trouble handling their feelings.
Self regulation and emotional regulation matures just like other developmental processes. Children as they get older learn to think before they act.
Children who are able to regulate their emotions pay more attention, work harder, and achieve more in school. They are better able to resolve conflicts with their peers and show lower levels of physiological stress. They are also better behaved — and more caring towards others. (These conclusions are based, especially, on research by John Gottman and his colleagues on the benefits of parental “emotion coaching.”)
For kids who have trouble regulating their emotions they have a harder time with their peers, have emotional outbursts, have trouble following directions in school and a lower self esteem.
How can you teach children to regulate their emotions?
1. Regulate Your Own Emotions.
Children won’t always do what you say, but they will always, eventually, do what you do. Kids learn emotional regulation from us. When we stay calm, it teaches our child that there’s no emergency, even if they feels like there is at the moment. Our calmness is what teaches little ones how to soothe themselves.
2. Provide as much stability and consistency as possible.
Clear household rules, and predictable routines help children to know what to expect so they feel calmer and more secure. Help children structure their day by providing a calendar. Children can stay more emotionally regulated when they know what to expect.
3. Respond to the needs and feelings behind problem behavior
“Troublesome” behavior signals overwhelming feelings or unmet needs. If you don’t address the feelings and needs, they’ll just burst out later, causing other problem behavior. Identify the feeling you see your child struggling with. Such as, “You’re really frustrated right now!”
4. Talk about your own feelings
Role modeling how you feel will teach your child about feelings and that it’s okay to have many different feelings. Children are less likely to resort to acting out behaviorally if they have the tool of words to express how they feel. You can also point out how others are feeling on TV or in the grocery store so children can see that feeling can be expressed in different ways. Children are less likely to resort to acting out behaviorally if they have the tool of words to express how they feel.
5. Teach problem Solving skills
Identify typical situations which result in emotional explosions and plan ahead how you and your child may handle the situation. For example, when going to an Amusement park if your child may not be tall enough to ride on certain rides-Look on the website of the park together before going and discuss what rides your child can go on. Planning ahead once again creates structure and safety so your child is less likely to have an emotional meltdown.
If your child continues to struggle with managing their feeling and you as a parent don’t know how to help them- contact us! We can help you and your child learn tools to create an environment in your home that is more regulated and easier to manage.
Written by: Sheri Mitschelen, LCSW, RPT/S Owner and Director of Crossroads Family Counseling Center, LLC and Family and Play Institute of Virginia. She is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) in the State of Virginia and a Registered Play Therapy-Supervisor (RPT-S). She has 25 years of experience working with children, adolescents and families.
Feeding the Picky Eater
Many parents worry about their children’s nutrition. Are they eating enough vegetables? Are they getting the recommended amount of protein, dairy, and vitamins? Should I be preparing dairy free meals? Gluten free meals? If you are the parent of a picky eater, your anxiety around their nutrition can become all consuming and mealtime can become a dreaded time of the day. Consider some of the following strategies to help decrease mealtime frustrations for both you and your child.
1. Don’t engage in a power struggle!
Forcing a child to “clean their plate” only increases frustration and can escalate an already stressful situation. You want your child to be in tune to his/her own hunger cues. Offer smaller portions and allow a child to ask for seconds if desired.
2. Offer choices
Create a colorful plate with a few different vegetable choices. Offering raw vegetables with a dip is another option that might keep your child more interested. Be patient as your child explores what he/she likes or dislikes. It may be helpful to offer new foods as a side next to a favorite food.
3. Limit drinking between meals to water
You want your child to be hungry for mealtime. Milk and juice between meals provides liquid calories and decreases their appetite.
4. Have a consistent meal schedule
Structure is helpful for children. Try to have meals at the same time every day for consistency and expectations. Minimize distractions so that television and electronics are not accessible during mealtime.
5. Make mealtime fun!
Cut food into fun shapes! Talk about the food colors and smells! Engage in fun, light conversation while eating.
6. Don’t bribe.
Parents often get in the habit of bribing with dessert. The child then expects desserts after every meal when it really should only be a special treat. Try replacing sweets with a natural sugar, like fruit or yogurt. Limiting “junk food” in the home altogether also helps. If they don’t have access to chips or cookies in the pantry, those options are not available when they are hungry.
7. Keep offering
Be patient. Children’s tastes change over time and you should continue to offer previously rejected foods.
8. Don’t offer different meals
Picky eating is reinforced when you offer to make separate meals for the child. The same foods should be offered to the entire family.
9. Get kids involved
Have your child help with grocery shopping. Give them tasks, for example: “Can you find me the greenest broccoli? Which oranges smell the sweetest?”
10. Set a good example
As with any type of behavior or habit, your child will often want to model you. Be mindful of your eating habits and how they are perceived by your child.
If your child’s eating habits continue to be a concern, reach out to your pediatrician. Crossroads is always an available resource as well!
Wishing you happy eating!!!!
Written by Darah Curran,LCSW who is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in the State of Virginia with 15 years experience working with children, adolescents and families.Darah has provided support for pediatric and adult individuals and families in outpatient and inpatient medical settings. Her areas of focus include adjustment and behavioral issues, social skills development, chronic illness, grief and trauma work.
Helping Your Child Develop Friendships
Friendships provide children with more than just fun playmates or people to hang out with. Through interacting with friends, children learn important social skills – how to communicate, cooperate, solve problems, and make decisions. Research shows that children with healthy friendships have a greater sense of well-being, better self-esteem, and fewer social problems later in life. Children’s school performance is also impacted by friendships. When children have friends at school, they tend to have better attitudes about school and learning.
Friendships also provide opportunities for children to learn conflict resolution skills. Conflict is a normal process that all children will experience from time to time. The dilemma for many parents, however, is how to respond when this happens. As parents, it is painful to watch your children suffer hurt, rejection, and isolation when they fight with their friends. It is likely to spark the desire to want to fix the problem for him, however, this is not what your child needs. Your child needs your love and encouragement and also your guidance in figuring out how he wants to solve the problem. With your support, your child can learn invaluable skills and develop confidence in his own abilities.
Below are some general guidelines to help you provide your child support and encouragement and also show him a way to solve problems.
Listen to your child. Listen to your child in a kind caring way. As you listen to your child, avoid giving advice or criticism. Even resist the urge to talk about similar experiences of your own. Talking about your own experience could seem to your child that you are not listening to what they are saying about their experience.
Help your child identify the problem. Your child may be able to express what the problem is at the beginning of the conversation or they may have to talk awhile to get to it.
Help your child brainstorm solutions. Avoid telling your child what to do. Instead, ask them, “What could you do in this situation?” If they say, “I don’t know,” invite them to brainstorm with you, to think up any possible solutions. Write down all suggestions without evaluating them.
Help your child choose a solution. After your child has suggested several solutions, discuss the pros and cons of each one.
Most of the time, helping your child think through what they wants to do about a problem is the best help you can give them. For example, if you know your child wants to resolve an argument with their best friend, you can help arrange a time for them together in a low-stress environment, such as a park. You can provide the opportunity for your child to work out a problem with their friend without getting too involved or trying to solve the problem for them.
While every child faces social problems at some time, it is important to distinguish between normal friendship disagreements and more serious problems such as bullying or not having any friends at all. If this happens you may want to talk to your child’s teacher, a school counselor, or a family counselor for additional help.
At Crossroads Family Counseling Center we offer groups for boys and girls focusing on building social skills and improving friendships.
Website for kids about developing and maintaining friendships
Written by: Denise Booth who is a Virginia Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) with over 10 years experience working with children and families. She specializes in providing therapy to adolescents dealing with behavioral issues at home and school, as well as anxiety, depression, self-esteem, substance abuse trauma and PTSD,. In her work with parents, she strives to enhance parent-child relationships and strengthen parenting skills to cope with adolescents..
Helping Grow your Child’s Imagination
“Imagination is more important than knowledge” – Albert Einstein
Even the great thinker, Albert Einstein recognized the importance of imagination. The ability to dream and be curious about our world are especially important to the children in our lives. A strong imagination allows children to be more creative, to develop problem-solving skills and to view the world in new and different ways.
Below are five activities that will help to grow your child’s imagination.
The good news is that you probably already have everything you need:
1. Play Dress-Up
Encourage your child to try on a new persona by playing dress up. While full costumes and make-up are great, just a few accessories like a tiara, hat, or magic wand can help them transform. For the most fun, dress up along with them; be the Robin to their Batman or the Anna to their Elsa from Frozen.
2. Nurture your little artist:
Set up an artists’ corner where your child can drawn, paint and whenever they want. Stock it with crayons, pencils, markers, brushes, paints and glitter and of course a big roll of paper. Put a big sheet of newspaper or an old shower curtain on the floor so your little Picasso can create without worrying about the mess. Encourage them to draw or paint the people that they love, the places they’ve seen or anything else that may interest them.
3. Limit screen time:
In order for a child’s imagination to grow, it is important to reduce the amount of time they in front of the TV or with electronic toys. Instead of watching television or playing with electronic and computer games, opt for toys/games that require your child to think for themselves. This kind of low stimulation play helps kids build up their “imagination muscle”.
4. Keep toys around that create lend themselves to imaginative play:
These are great because they can become anything your child desires. In addition to helping with fine motor skills such as stacking, blocks also lay the foundation for math, science, and spatial skills.Instruments Being able to create a new sound will delight any child and will encourage them to explore which objects make different sounds. Your child will love trying out a drum, a xylophone, bells, and maracas.
Modeling clay – Whether it is play-dough or something more professional, children love the tactile nature of this medium and will enjoy creating and re-creating with clay. You can help them explore further by finding find different objects to make impressions into the clay.
Empty boxes and containers – We’ve all had the experience of buying a child a toy and finding them playing with the box it came in instead. Why? Because a box can be anything; a fort in the woods or a palace in a magical land.
A magnifying glass – This is a great way to explore texture in their world. For younger children, they may require extra supervision or you may want to try a plastic magnifying glass instead.
Plastic cups, bottles and funnels for the bath – Use different sizes so that when your child pours water from one cup to another, she learns the concept of more and less. As the weather gets warmer, setting up a water tray outside is a fun way to stay cool.
5. Get outside:
There is no better source for imagination than mother nature. It is full of wonder and beauty all around. You don’t have to go far to find inspiration. A walk in the park to look at different trees, laying on the grass and looking up a different shapes in the clouds are all ways of engaging with nature.
Written by: Cecilia Racine, LCSW, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) in the State of Virginia with 17 years experience working with children, adolescents, adults and families. Cecilia’s areas of focus include: attachment, adoption, grief and loss, anxiety, domestic violence and trauma work. She is trained in solution-focused therapy, CBT and EMDR and is fluent in Spanish.
Strategies for Sibling Fighting
Wouldn’t it be nice if you’re children loved being together during the summer? If they enjoyed playing together, the same activities and watching the same TV show etc…? Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case. If your children are having a difficult time getting along and it’s driving you crazy here are some tips on how to help your children get along.
The Child Development Institute has several suggestions for Simple Parenting Techniques That Work:
1. When the rivalry progresses to excessive physical or verbal violence OR when the number incidents of rivalry seem excessive, take action. (Action does speak louder than words). Talk with your children about what is going on. Provide suggestions on how they can handle the situation when it occurs such as:
- Ignoring the teasing.
- Simply agreeing (in a kidding way) that whatever the teaser is saying is true.
- Telling the teaser that enough is enough.
- When these measures aren’t working ask the person in charge (parent, baby sitter) for help.
2. When the above does not work, introduce a family plan to help with the situation that provides negative and positive consequences for all concerned such as:
- When there is any fighting or shouting, all involved will have a consequence such as a time out or writing sentences (“I will play nicely with my brother).
- However, when we can go the whole day or afternoon or evening (whatever makes sense for your situation), then everyone will earn a privilege such as (1) you can have a snack, (2) I will read you a story, (3) we will all play a game together, (4) I will play outside with you (catch, etc) or (5) you can stay up later. (Note that several of these provide parental attention for appropriate behavior).
3. Develop a system for evenly distributing coveted privileges. In other words, a system for taking turns for such things as:
- Who gets to ride “shot gun” in the car. (It’s amazing how many teenagers and young adult siblings still make this an important issue).
- Who gets to push the button in the elevator;
- Who gets to chose where to go to eat lunch or dinner,
- Who gets to chose the television show,
- Who does the dishes or takes out the trash (rotate on a weekly or monthly basis)
One of the simplest things you can do is create a competition between your children. Whoever has the most random acts of kindness for their siblings for the week wins a reward. It has to be something the parent sees or is aware of. You keep track of the random acts and tally them up at the end of the week. The child that has the most points earns a reward. It’s nice if it’s a reward that everyone in the family can benefit from. For example: the winner gets to pick what is for dinner that night, where to go out to eat, they get to pick a family outing or game. Positive Family fun time also promotes positive sibling interactions.
Look on Pinterest for some cool activities that siblings can do together this summer. http://pinterest.com/savingcase/sibling-activities/
For more information on parenting strategies go to: http://childdevelopmentinfo.com/ages-stages/school-age-children-development-parenting-tips/sibling_rivalry/
Written by: Sheri Mitschelen, LCSW, RPT/S, Owner and Director of Crossroads Family Counseling Center, LLC a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) in the State of Virginia and a Registered Play Therapy-Supervisor (RPT-S).
