We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.
–Virginia Satir, pioneer in Family Therapy
February is the month when we spend a lot of time inside with our children and families. It’s also a month to celebrate your love for them and others in your life on Valentine’s Day. But sometimes it’s hard to have those loving feelings when you’ve been stuck inside due to the winter weather.
Did you know that your child’s sense of self and the relationships that she will build with friends and future romantic interests start within the first three years of life and continue growing in these early experiences after that?
This kind of early bonding and attachment to the mother, father, or other close caregiver helps a child develop a broad range of abilities to use and build upon throughout life. These include the ability to:
- learn
- be self-confident and have high self-esteem
- learn positive social skills
- engage in successful relationships at later ages
- develop a sense of empathy
Source: http://www.factsforlifeglobal.org
The Raising Children Network says that a loving relationship with you, the caregiver, is the most important part of your child’s environment. Tuning in and responding to your child with warmth and gentleness lays the foundations for your child’s development and helps to shape the adult your child will become.
There are many things you can do to help your child with her social and emotional growth:
- Build in daily connections. Find a way to give your child a hug as many times as you can throughout the day. First thing in the morning when you see them, before they go to school, when they get home from school, and before bedtime. If your children are older, touch their shoulder or back. Find ways to touch them in gentle, nurturing ways.
Cognitive neuroscientist and author Dr. Caroline Leaf writes: “We each have our natural inner pharmacy that produces all the drugs we ever need to run our body-mind in precisely the way it was designed to run. Good touching releases the body’s natural chemicals like endorphins, enkephalins, oxytocin, and dopamine, setting in motion your love circuits and stopping the fear circuits.”
- Play with your child. This is the hardest thing for parents to do when they have a busy schedule. Build in 15-30 minutes a day if possible to have free time to play with your child. If you are feeling stressed about things to do, set the buzzer if you need to. Let your child decide what she wants to play. The rule is…there are no rules (except for safety)! This is not the time to work on manners or learning. This is a time to let your child build her confidence and sense of self while also strengthening your relationship with her. When children feel that you are focused on them and give them focused play time, they will be more cooperative with you in doing chores and everyday tasks.
- Role model your relationships. Do you show affection with your spouse and your friends? Children also learn by observing those around them. They watch and learn from your interactions with people in the community, with your parents, siblings, and your spouse or partner. The examples set by adults, older siblings, and children are the most powerful influences shaping a child’s behavior and personality.
Since it is Valentine’s Day this month, show your children and all those you care about how you feel and give lots of hugs!