Child Counseling

With the start of the new school year, parents may notice challenging behaviors in their children, such as:

• Trouble sleeping
• Complaining about stomach aches or other physical problems
• Avoiding certain situations
• Being clingy around parents or caregivers
• Trouble concentrating in class or being very fidgety
• Tantrums
• Being very self-conscious

According to the Child Mind Institute, these are symptoms often associated with anxiety.  Childhood anxiety disorders are very common.  Before COVID-19, the prevalence of anxiety in children was 11.6 %.  After the pandemic, the rates went up to 19%, see reference here.

When returning to school, many children worry about getting along with a new teacher or need help making new friends.

Here are five things parents can do to help their children cope better with school-related anxiety.

• First, it is helpful to strengthen the child’s attachment or bond between the parents and children.  Establish regular time for play with each child, even if it is only 10 minutes a day or every couple of days.  It doesn’t have to be complicated or involved.  Make it easy.  Pull out a balloon and lob it back and forth.  Sit and read a book together.  Give each other a back rub or a foot rub.  Play a card or board game like Connect 4, which doesn’t take long.  You don’t have to break out Monopoly! Ensure your child knows you are there to hear their thoughts/concerns and feelings.  Share with them how you found ways to cope as a child while going through a tough time. Kids love it when you share about yourself!

 

• Second, help your kids try calming methods, such as deep breathing, listening to calming music, singing, drinking water, splashing water on their faces, stretching, jumping jacks, coloring, etc.  Different kids prefer different methods of calming down.  Find one they prefer.  Practice them together.

 

• Third, if they are nervous about making friends, let their teacher know and see if he/she can facilitate some connections with peers.  When parents get involved with the school, they get to know other families, which creates more opportunities to facilitate friendships.  Suggest a get-together after school with a classmate.  Plan a structured activity for the get-together, like making cookies, to make it easier for shy kids who struggle with what to say.  It is easier to talk about the task, saying things like, “We need to add vanilla next.”

 

• Fourth, recess and lunch can be stressful for socially anxious kids since it is less structured.  Teach your kids some games to play at recess.  Ask the teacher if they are allowed to bring a deck of UNO cards or teach them how to play games like Red Light Green Light. See the video for how to play, click here.

 

• Fifth, help kids practice social conversations when you have dinner together.  You can role-play how to talk to peers.  Have them practice asking kids relevant questions, like ‘What kinds of games do you like to play?’ or ‘What is your favorite dessert?’  You can even practice telling each other simple jokes, like “knock, knock jokes,” that they can share with peers.

 

In addition, remind your kids of successes they have had in the past, such as learning how to tie their shoelaces, balance on a scooter or a bike, swim, or do a forward roll or a cartwheel.  Remind them that they can learn new things like they did in the past.  Experiencing success helps kids build confidence, which is an antidote to anxiety.

There are many proven ways to overcome anxiety.  If your child is getting overwhelmed and you need more support, feel free to contact one of our Crossroads counselors.

Written by Anya Willis, from FitKids.info

As parents in our fast-paced, ever-demanding world, we often feel overwhelmed by the tremendous amount of tasks and responsibilities that we shoulder day in and day out. Finding efficient ways to stay organized is more critical than ever to ensure a happy and balanced family life. Let’s dive into some valuable advice on cost-efficient ways to organize your daily lives, presented below by Crossroads Family Counseling Center.

Create a Daily To-Do List

Creating daily checklists might seem like adding yet another task to your busy routine, but it can actually help you visualize what needs to be done and prioritize your responsibilities. You can use a physical planner, dry-erase board, or free apps. With a clear list at hand, you’ll be less likely to forget tasks and can keep track of your progress to stay motivated.

Adopt Time Management Techniques

You don’t need to be a productivity guru to master practical time management strategies that will help you save time and stay organized. Start by allocating blocks of time for specific activities, such as meal planning or tackling laundry. Set a timer to stay on track and avoid distractions. Before you know it, you’ll be amazed by how much you can accomplish within these manageable timeframes.

Combine Your Errands

While it’s tempting to tackle errands whenever they come to mind, it’s more time and cost-efficient to batch similar tasks together. For example, schedule all of your grocery shopping or appointments in one day, so you’re not constantly running around town. Organize your shopping list by store sections or categories to save time (and your sanity) and cut down on unnecessary trips.

Create a Cleaning Schedule

Instead of spending your weekends deep cleaning your entire home, try dividing cleaning tasks throughout the week with a simple cleaning routine. Assign specific areas or tasks per day, like Mondays for bathrooms and Tuesdays for dusting. This way, you can maintain a clean home without feeling overwhelmed. Plus, involving the entire family can create a sense of responsibility and teamwork.

Plan Your Meals

Meal planning may seem daunting, especially if you’re on a budget, but investing a couple of hours each week to plan your family’s meals can save significant time and money. Plan simple and nutritive meals, then create a shopping list based on your plan to minimize impulse purchases. You may also want to consider prepping meals on weekends or whenever you have spare time to save you ample hours during the busy weekdays.

Use Online PDF Tools for File Management

Busy parents no longer have to worry about searching through stacks of paper for documents as they can quickly and easily digitize them with a scanner or their smartphone camera. With free PDF tools, organizing, editing, annotating, and sharing documents is even faster with a free PDF compressor. This way you can archive your files digitally and have access to them anytime from anywhere.

Staying organized as a busy parent is essential to leading a balanced, stress-free life. By implementing these cost-efficient tips, from daily checklists and time management strategies to cleaning routines and file digitization, you’ll be well on your way to staying organized in no time. Remember that organization is a habit that takes time to cultivate, so give yourself some grace and stay persistent. As you streamline your daily routine, you will find yourself more energized, empowered, and able to enjoy quality time with your family.

 

Written by Rachel Perez on behalf of HomeAdvisor

If your child has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), they likely struggle with tasks requiring organization, planning, time management, and focus. Homework assignments are forgotten, misplaced, or abandoned halfway through. Rooms get messy and stay that way. Teachers report that your child doesn’t pay attention or follow directions in class. Sound familiar?

While you may wish for a magic wand to sweep everything into place, there are ADHD-friendly tips and tools that can make a big difference. Based on a HomeAdvisor blog on organization hacks for people with ADHD, we’ve collected seven organizational tips that can help children succeed at home and at school. Although these suggestions are tailor-made for kids with hyperactivity disorders, they may just help the rest of your family get organized too!

1. Start Small

Whether you’re tackling school work, laundry, or even getting ready in the morning, it’s important to start small. Children with ADHD can get frustrated and distracted quickly, so try to keep tasks manageable and realistic. By achieving small goals, your child may get a sense of accomplishment that can boost motivation and keep them going.

Even when you feel overwhelmed, focus on one project at a time when possible: single-tasking works better than trying to do everything at once.

2. Reduce Clutter and Distractions

While many kids struggle to keep their rooms tidy, those with ADHD often need more help than most. You may find the rewards worth the extra effort, however, as reducing clutter helps minimize distractions, reduce anxiety, and make other tasks easier (like getting homework done on time). Although you may be tempted to do the tasks yourself, there is real value in helping children learn to manage themselves.

To prevent overload, remember to break the task up into realistic chunks. Instead of a deep cleaning when things get really messy, set aside 5 or 10 minutes before dinner every day (for example) to have your child tidy up their room. Then, every few months, help them go through their belongings and donate whatever they don’t use. When you do more intensive housework with them, divide it into smaller sections still, such as only sorting one bin or organizing one shelf at a time.

3. Give Everything a Home (Preferably Within Sight)

In addition to disorganization, kids with ADHD often struggle with forgetfulness. When their belongings are always located in the same spot, they don’t need to rely on memory to find them. When the spot is highly visible, it’s even easier. If your son can never find his shoes when it’s time to leave the house, consider an open shoe cubby by the front door. If your daughter loves toys, but can never find the one she wants, try storing them in clear tubs in her closet. You can even try labeling shelves with the names of what belongs there or color-coding bins by contents (blue for toys, red for sports gear, etc.).

Besides reducing clutter, giving every item a home can help children define organization and, eventually, help them achieve it. Organization means that writing utensils are in the pencil case (not on the floor), and trash is in the trash cans (not in the backpack). When your child is ready, you can take this up a notch, such as having them put undone homework on one side of a folder and completed homework on the other side.

4. Have Different Spaces for Different Activities

Just like each belonging has a space, each activity can too. If you have space in your home, designate different rooms (or sections of each room) for different activities. A quiet room (preferably without a TV) creates an inviting place for reading and studying. Noisy or active games can happen in the basement or playroom. If your child enjoys a hobby that makes a mess or requires specific materials, they should practice that hobby in its designated space—and only there.

You can apply the same logical organizing principles to your child’s bedroom. Divide the room into sections that correspond to different activities: studying, playing, dressing, and sleeping (for example). Under this system, you should not find socks on their desk, or homework under their bed. Of course, this is easier said than done. Still, having clearly defined sections of a room at least gives you a foundation for organization. It also follows the other suggestions in this list: giving everything a home, reducing clutter, and breaking projects into smaller parts.

5. Make Use of a Calendar or Planner

Thanks to smartphones, white boards, and old-fashioned paper calendars, we have a variety of planning devices at our fingertips. You may have to experiment a bit, but use whichever one works best for your child. They might find it easiest to locate a wall calendar in a central spot in your home, or they may enjoy keeping track of assignments on their computer and receiving electronic reminders.

Once you decide on a planner, use it to keep track of sports practices, upcoming tests, project due dates, or whatever your child needs to stay on top of in their life. Remember to break bigger items into smaller sub-tasks here too. Programming in studying time or due dates for specific project elements will prove more useful than simply inputting the final deadlines.

6. Experiment With Chore Charts

Like a calendar or to-do list, chore charts serve as a visible reminder of what your child needs to do. A dry-erase board makes an ideal format since you can change tasks over time, use different colors for different people, and then cross or check off chores when finished. While most people don’t enjoy chores, this kind of easy-to-read format can make things less overwhelming and provide a sense of accomplishment as tasks get done.

To avoid singling out your child with ADHD, engage the whole family in this process. Each person can take care of one room each week, do one chore per day, and/or take on several tasks on the weekend chore list. When delegating chores to a child with ADHD, help keep frustration at bay by assigning tasks they are currently able to do, rather than what you wish they could accomplish.

7. Don’t Forget to Give Breaks and Rewards!

All humans need breaks from—and rewards for—hard work. Because children with ADHD tend to get distracted and frustrated quickly, however, they may need them more often. Schedule 30 minutes of video game or trampoline time to decompress between school and homework. If you’re time-blocking, set a timer for 5 minutes of free time after each 15 minutes of work. Of course, you will likely need to enforce the times and help kids refocus, but know that breaks are an integral part of the process.

Finally, stress rewards. ADHD can impede executive functioning, making potential long-term rewards (like good grades) less important than short-term rewards (like going outside). So, create a system that helps your child experience success quickly. Your child can earn rewards (praise, points, time for a favorite activity) by engaging in productive behaviors, following the plan, and accomplishing small tasks.

Stay Positive and Supportive

No one likes to be nagged or criticized, but discouragement and frustration can be a real motivation-killer for kids with ADHD. Therefore, do your best to stay positive and to praise the efforts as well as the results.

If you need a little extra help setting your home up for success, then consider contacting HomeAdvisor. Our professionals can design and organize ADHD-friendly spaces, or simply provide cleaning and decluttering services to help you get your home on the right track.

Play therapy reaches kids in a developmentally appropriate way, giving them the chance to communicate in their natural language of play. While adults can access their fully developed brains to verbalize problems, stressors, and strengths, children are still growing and do not have the same capacity to speak about their hardest moments. As Play Therapist Paris Goodyear-Brown explains in one of her TEDx talks, the brain has three main regions that play different parts. The bottom region (the lower brain) is responsible for basic rhythms and energy levels (heartbeat, balance, breathing, sleeping); it asks the question, “am I safe?” The middle region is responsible for memory making and emotional processing; it asks, “am I loved?” The front-most part of our brains, right by our foreheads, cares about judgment, decision-making, and analytical thinking; it asks, “what have I learned?” (Goodyear-Brown, 2018; Van der Kolk, 2014) This part of our brain does not actually finish developing until our 20s! Children are operating more often in the lower and middle regions of their brains, and the more stressed a person is, the more they function within those first two parts. Think about the last time you were stressed—maybe someone cut you off in traffic or said something hurtful to you—were you able to immediately analyze that moment? Probably not. It may have taken time for you to be able to feel safe enough to do that, to take in the experience and understand what happened.

Is Play Therapy Effective and worth the time and effort?
The research says: yes! Four separate meta-analyses showed that play therapy for children had moderately large to large effect sizes (Golding, 2016). The research demonstrates that play therapy is as effective as most forms of psychotherapy for adults, with the advantage that it is developmentally appropriate for children. It is also helpful to understand how play therapy transforms into visible changes. When a play therapist welcomes a child into the therapy room, the play therapist offers a safe and non-judgmental space through something called unconditional positive regard. Through use of toys as words, the child builds a world that the play therapist is trained to witness, narrate, and break down. Within play therapy sessions, a child may move between what looks like more emotionally charged play and less emotionally charged play. Depending on what your child needs to work on, this process may look different and moving between types of play will be
important as your child works on their specific goals in play therapy. The play therapist joins with caregivers, translating what is happening symbolically into a treatment plan that the caregivers, child, and play therapist can work on together. Through play-based activities in the play therapy room and at home, the play therapist facilitates the child’s growth process and empowers the child’s healing.

References:

M Golding, J. (2016). Evidence-based child and adolescent psychotherapy: It’s not what you think: Evidence-based psychotherapy. Journal of Paediatrics and Child Health, 52(10), 919–922. https://doi.org/10.1111/jpc.13272
Van der Kolk. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Penguin Books, New York: NY
Goodyear-Brown, Paris. (2018). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SbeS5iezIDA

 

Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) affects how an individual’s brain processes incoming stimuli from our different senses. SPD can affect all five out senses (i.e., taste, smell, hearing, sight, and touch) or just one (Staff & Rice, 2020). Individuals with SPD may overreact to a sensory experience in a way that is jarring for those around them (i.e., a tantrum, screaming, or hitting). In some cases under react to a sensory experience causing them to want to experience it more (i.e., hit something harder, swing higher, etc.; Staff & Rice, 2020). Most frequently SPD is noticed in children as early as toddler years as they begin to explore different sensations around them. Children will begin demonstrating hypersensitivity or hyposensitivity to senses making it difficult for them to remain regulated in many situations (Child Mind Institute, 2021).

How do I know if my child may have SPD? SPD can be difficult to decipher as several developmental disorders also have sensory sensitivity components. For example, often SPD related symptoms are noticed in children who have Autism or ADHD. Because of its high rates of comorbidity with ADHD and Autism many people have a hard time deciphering if it is a completely separate disorder (Staff & Rice, 2020).

According to Child Mind Institute (2021) SPD symptoms can include, but are not limited to:

• Being startled by touch
• Struggling with bodily awareness
• Be unaware of how much pressure they are applying to an object (i.e. break a crayon when coloring)
• Refusal around wearing clothes that may feel itchy or uncomfortable
• Inability to sit still and/or always fidgeting
• Enjoying intense pressure like a bear hug
• Not understanding personal space even when developmentally appropriate to do so
• High pain tolerance

Each of these symptoms are ones that can be experienced by a child without SPD. As some symptoms make sense due to other disorders. However, if a child is struggling with sensory experiences there are a few things that can be done by caregivers to support their children. Caregivers can begin to take note of the triggers and/or preferences of the child and tailor things to fit their needs. This may look like buying noise canceling headphones for plane rides or giving big hugs when the child feels dysregulated. Essentially parents want to help manage the sensory input so that it can be navigated by the child. Further, Occupational Therapy (OT) is a great resource to help manage sensory related disorders. OT’s are specifically trained in working with children with sensory related difficulties so that they are able to control and manage their responses to outside stimuli. Overall if your child is struggling with sensory related sensitivities, it may be helpful to look into Occupational Therapy as a way to support both your child and your family.

References:

Sensory processing FAQ. Child Mind Institute. (2021, August 8). Retrieved December 5, 2022, from https://childmind.org/article/sensory-processing-faq/

Staff, F. E., & Rice, A. (2020, August 31). Sensory processing disorder (SPD). familydoctor.org. Retrieved December 5, 2022, from https://familydoctor.org/condition/sensory-processing-disorder-spd/#:~:text=Sensory%20processing%20disorder%20(SPD)%20is,that%20other%20people%20are%20not

In light of October being Bullying prevention month, it is important to open the conversation around bullying. Bullying affects roughly 20% of children between the ages of 12-18 (National Center for Education Statistics, 2019). Further, over 150,000 children a year miss school due to their bullying experiences (Assistant Secretary for Public Affairs; ASPA 2021).  Therefore, it is important to talk with our children about bullying to help being awareness and hopefully mitigate its effects.

Bullying comes in all forms. Children may experience cyberbullying, verbal and physical harassment, and passive aggression. Bullying does not just happen in schools, but can happen anywhere, such as: at after school activities, sports games/practices, and friends’ houses.  However, regardless of how the bullying is experienced, the effects it can have on a child can feel severe. When a child is experiencing bullying we may notice a change in their day to day attitude and demeanor, a reluctance to attend events or school functions, increased emotional outbursts, or potentially self-harm.

If you begin to notice signs of bullying or hear reports of bullying, here are three easy steps to help start the conversation:

1. Acknowledge your child’s emotions. This may seem easy, but when the school year is busy it can often feel like we are on autopilot trying to get through the day and we miss moments for connection. So taking a moment to slow down and notice how your child is feeling. Ex: You seem like you are feeling sad today.

2. Offer your support. Beyond just acknowledging the emotion, let your child know that you are there for them. Maybe they want a hug, to talk, or to do an activity with you. Letting them know you’re there has the potential to help them feel less alone as well as lets them know you see them. Ex. You seem like you are feeling sad today, would you like to talk about it?

3. Show them you are there. Sometimes children do not want to talk about it or they do not know what type of support they want and need. So showing them you care by offering an activity to do together, writing them a note for school, or setting up a time to talk together are a few ways to help show them that you are there if they need it. Sometimes it is as simple as letting them know you love them and are always there. Ex. I am here for you if you ever want to talk

These three steps can not only help to open the conversation around bullying but also around other experiences your child may having during their school day. As the school year ramps up and schedules become more hectic, remember to take time to connect with your family! Together, we can build strong, resilient children and families!

References

Assistant Secretary for Public Affairs (ASPA). (2021, September 9). Facts about bullying.
StopBullying.gov. Retrieved September 22, 2022, from https://www.stopbullying.gov/resources/facts
National Center for Education Statistics. "Bullying: Fast Facts.” Accessed Aug. 21, 2019. https://nces.ed.gov/fastfacts/display.asp?id=719

When August rolls around, it is time, to get ready for the return to school.  Here are a few suggestions to make the transition smoother.

Over the summer, take your child to their school playground to explore.  When they come to school in the fall, they will associate the space with fun memories.  “Remember that cool slide on the playground?”

Teachers need to become acquainted with many students, all at once.  Email your child’s teacher a brief description of your son or daughter, in a kind of 2 minute elevator speech.  Share what your child enjoys, like, “Dillon has read every Harry Potter book”, or “Jenny loves arts and crafts”.  Include their strengths and challenges, like “Ashley is very kind, but shy and needs encouragement to join in socially.”  Include the types of supports that help your child learn best, such as “Alex is a visual learner and having a printed schedule and written directions is helpful.”  This will give the teacher insights about your child’s needs and will make it easier for them to know how to best approach your child.  Teachers really appreciate it when parents take time to do this.

Review the state of your kids’ backpacks and lunchboxes to see if they need to be replaced.  If they do, give kids the chance to choose one they like, which will give them something to look forward to enjoying at school.

Reestablish routines.  Start having your child get their clothes ready the night before to make mornings easier.  Several days ahead, get them back into the routine of going to bed earlier, so they can adjust gradually.  Make a checklist of things that have to be done in the morning, and post it in a helpful place to keep everyone on track.

As soon as you find out who will be in your child’s class, plan some play dates with them.  It is always easier to walk in to a new class with a familiar face.

If your child struggles with anxiety about the return to school, share with them that the first couple days are challenging for everyone, but over time, it will get easier and easier.  Remind them of the things that are familiar, like the school building, the playground, the kids that they know, and the routine.

It might be helpful to know that physiologically, there is no difference in our bodies when we experience anxiety and when we experience excitement.  You can reframe what they’re feeling as excitement.  To help children focus on positive things, ask them to think of themselves as detectives looking for clues for the best things about the new school year.

A great picture book to read with children over the summer is “First Day Jitters” by Julie Danneberg.  It reveals that not just kids have worries about the first day of school.  It is really humorous and has a surprise ending.

For more support if your child is experiencing anxiety, depression or other challenges, please feel free to contact Crossroads Family Counseling Center to talk to one of our therapists.

 

About the Author: Judy Bender has over 20 years of experience as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Virginia. She has worked with children and adolescents in a variety of settings, including Johns Hopkins University Hospital’s Child Psychiatry Outpatient Clinics and other group practice settings.

Has anyone ever wished that parenting could have a detailed manual, a bit like the old Encyclopedias that our parents or grandparents had?  Go to Chapter 3, Section 3.2 for a detailed guide on how to calm down a child who tantrums before bedtime!  That would make life so much easier – a pinch of this and a dash of that and voila your child is calm and happy and ready to have you tuck them in bed.  Communication with our children, whether verbal or non-verbal, can be a slippery slope especially if we have children who are neuro-diverse, highly sensitive, have a learning disability, or don’t seem to listen regardless of the situation.

In Chapter 1 of The Whole Brain-Child Workbook by Dr. Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson, these authors state that almost all parents have two goals: 1) To survive the challenging experiences with their children, and 2) To help their children thrive and to give them experiences that they will integrate into their growth and development.  In the competitive Western culture that we live in, oftentimes these experiences are interpreted as sports classes, music classes, additional academic coaching or tutoring and such.  While there is much value in these additional services for those who have the financial flexibility to provide them, what gets lost in translation is our intimate and direct relationship with our children and how deeply children crave time and togetherness with their parents or caregivers.

The meaningful times that parents and children share together will lay the foundation for what Jean Piaget referred to as Object Permanence in his seminal theory of cognitive development. Object permanence describes a child’s ability to know that objects continue to exist even though they can no longer be seen or heard.  It’s like our inner compass. The “object” that is internalized is usually the parent/caregiver and how they interacted and communicated with us and how we felt about that interaction and communication.  It lays the foundation for the child’s ability to self-regulate.

So, what do we do when our child seems to not be able to self-regulate and calm himself/herself down not just at younger ages but as they grow and mature?

As parents and caregivers it is then incumbent upon us to become their co-regulators.  What does that mean?  It means to be aware of how our child’s behavior is affecting us and how we are responding to it.  Does our own anxiety shoot up?  Do we resort to yelling? Do we just tune out? Do we get into setting consequences and punishment right away as a way to deter behavior?  If you have answered yes to any or all of the above then you are not alone – that is what we do when we are trying to survive the moment.

There is a powerful alternative, however.  To use Dr. Siegel’s words “instead of command and demand, try connect and re-direct”.  When we connect (getting down to their level if they are younger, having gentle eye contact, holding their hand or inviting them to sit down with us and touching them) we are acting as co-regulators.  Once a loving connection has been established, it is essential to validate and reflect what the child is feeling (You are mad that you have to stop playing and come to the dinner table).  Then you re-direct (it’s a special time to have dinner together.  How about after dinner, you get — minutes of playtime and then we get ready for bed?).  This may appear deceivingly simple but it is a powerful approach.  Of course, sometimes despite our best attempts we may not be able to act as co-regulators; that is understandable and you should not blame yourself.  Keep trying. Just remember that you don’t have to be the perfect parent, just a “good enough” parent.

References:

1. Siegel, Daniel J. M.D., Bryson, Tina Payne Ph.D. (2015).   The Whole Brain Child Workbook:  Practical Exercises, Worksheets, and Activities to Nurture Developing Minds. Pesi Publishing & Media
2. Piaget, Jean (1977). Gruber, Howard E.; Vonèche, J. Jacques. (eds.). The essential Piaget. London: Routledge and K. Paul. ISBN 978-0710087782. OCLC 3813049
3. Winnicott, Donald (1953).  “Good Enough Mother”

 

About the Author: Kathy Precht, LCSW has over 20 years of experience working with children and adolescents ages 4-17 years old in different roles that she has held over the years in agencies and school settings. She has experience working with clients from diverse cultural and socioeconomic backgrounds and brings a culturally sensitive and inclusive lens to her therapy practice.  Kathy is also trained in play therapy and working towards her Registered Play Therapy certification.