Don’t Let the Lack of Routine Run you Ragged!
Quick Tips to Ease the Transition
The bell rings and SCHOOL’S OUT! For kids all around the county, this is THE day that they have been waiting for- Summer Break! But for many parents, summer, while sunny, entails a menagerie of camp schedules, babysitters, sports tournaments, vacations and above all- temper tantrums and the overtired crying. Minor changes to any routine are hard on the whole family, and summer is no exception. It can be even more shocking when you see your children look up at you with crying eyes and stomping feet after a day of the pool, picnic, and the park! How can they possibly be upset?! They just had the best day ever!
Children crave predictability and routine, it helps them feel safe and understand their world. When school lets out and bedtimes go crazy, lunch is at all different times and their peers are new camp friends, cousins and babysitters’ siblings. Between all of the popsicles and sugar-coated fun, stress levels and frustrations run high and the tendency to demand, cry or complain or try to negotiate ANOTHER popsicle skyrockets. It’s not their fault, I promise! And they are not just being ungrateful . But they are relying on you to provide that consistency and predictability they are craving. Think about a few of the favorite teachers you ever have…chances are they weren’t actually the EASY ones- but they ones who challenged you, the ones who were both FUN and FAIR. Keep that in mind when those little crying eyes are staring up at you- you are their first and most important teacher and they are trusting you to make it right in a world that has all of a sudden turned upside down.
Here are five quick Summer Survival Transition Tips:
1.) Maintain as much consistency in their daily routine as possible. If you have to go to bed super late or wake up early, don’t pick that morning to try tofu for breakfast or make them wear that outfit they hate. How do you feel without your morning cup of coffee after a late night?
2.) Prep them for the daily schedule and stick to it. Everyone wants to feel they have some modicum of control of their life and children are no exception. Preparing them for their day (even if it is not a day they are going to love or even like) gives them some sense of power, at least they know what is coming and can prepare themselves for how they might cope.
3.) Pick your battles. Picture yourself at home, watching your favorite television show after a long day at the office where you were working with new coworkers and doing an all-new project. Now imagine your spouse or parent cutting off that show in the middle of the best scene. Give a five- minute warning for transitions and build in some rest time for them to recharge, having fun is exhausting.
4.) Provide choices you can live with when you can live with them, but give clear directives when there is no choice. “ This goes back to the human desire for control. During times of transition, the desire for predictability and control intensifies. Summer creates a lot of new routines and often everyone is constantly adapting to the day as it goes. Allow your children little choices when you can to help them feel grounded. For example if you would be happy with the purple or the pink shirt let them choose. However, when you have an expectation do not phrase it as a question and do not tell them what not to do. If there is macaroni and cheese for dinner, don’t ask “Do you want macaroni and cheese?” Saying no is not them being rude, they are simply answering the question. Tell them the behavior you want, for example “say please” versus “don’t be rude” and watch them rise to the expectation.
5.) Catch them being good. Negative emotions are narrowing, and can often act as blinders. For example, you might notice every time your child leaves their food on the table, but not every time they put the plate in the dishwasher. Reinforce the behavior you want, a good guide is ten positive comments for every one negative comment. It can often feel forced, but attention is attention and any attention is reinforcing. Unfortunately, we often end up reinforcing negative behaviors because they immediately get attention- a tricky little cycle. By specifically praising the behavior you want to see more of and ignoring (when you can) the behaviors you want to stop, and your children when learn that doing what is expected is what gets your attention!
Good luck and Happy Summer!