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It’s awareness month!  So, what is the purpose of an awareness month?  An awareness month is all about helping raise awareness about a particular cause or issue and helping us know what we can do to help. This month at Crossroads Family Counseling Center we are focusing on awareness of five important issues related to mental health and well-being:

#1 Autism Awareness Month

#2 Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month

#3 Stress Awareness Month

#4 National Child Abuse Prevention Month

#5 Alcohol Awareness Month

With so may important issues and causes to be aware of, it can be hard to keep up on all of them and be involved, so for this month’s blog, we’re going to provide a few interesting facts and a fun suggestion for how you can learn more, promote awareness, and support a worthy cause:

#1 Autism Awareness Month

• Approximately 1 in 68 children are affected by an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and boys are 5x more likely than girls to be diagnosed.
• About 50,000 individuals with ASD exit high school each year and many support services required by law end after high school.
• It is speculated that Albert Einstein and Isaac Newton were on the spectrum.
• A Fun To-Do: Check out the docuseries Love on the Spectrum (streaming on Netflix). This heartwarming series is a great way to learn more about some of the unique challenges adults on the spectrum may face when it comes to dating.  Here’s a link for the trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kX-QbcXyZug

#2 Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month

• The self-reported incidence of rape or sexual assault more than doubled from 2017 to 2018. It is estimated that 734,630 people were raped in the united states in 2018.
• Ages 12-34 are the highest risk years for rape or sexual assault.
• According to the Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network (RAINN), 1 out of every 6 women in the US has been a victim of an attempted or completed rape. Men who attend college are 5x more likely than non-student males to be the victim of rape or sexual assault.
• A Fun To-Do: The National Sexual Violence Resource Center has a podcast all about ways we can work together to stop sexual assault and create a safer world: https://www.nsvrc.org/podcasts

#3 Stress Awareness Month

• 77% of Americans report having physical symptoms due to stress. 48% of Americans say stress has negatively impacted their personal and professional lives.
• Feeling occasional stress can be helpful, but ongoing stress can lead to serious health problems.
• One in five American college students reported in an April 2020 survey that their mental health has gotten significantly worse during the pandemic. Stress is not just a “normal rite of passage” for college students.  It is a serious mental health concern.
• A Fun To-Do: Did you know that engaging in activities you enjoy reduces stress?  Pretend your doctor just handed you a prescription that says, “Do something you enjoy for at least 30 minutes each day.” Now go do it!

#4 National Child Abuse Prevention Month

• It is estimated that 1 in 7 children experience abuse each year.
• “Abusers” are often ordinary people caught in challenging life situations.
• It’s important to teach children that no adult should ever ask them to keep a hurtful secret. A secret like a birthday present is okay, but a secret about someone hurting someone else is not.
• A Fun To-Do: Check out these videos from the Children’s Bureau for ideas on how you can support children in your community: https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/preventing/preventionmonth/resources/multimedia-gallery/

#5 Alcohol Awareness Month

• 3% of high school seniors report that they used alcohol in the past year (NIH 2020 Monitoring the Future Survey). Alcohol use during adolescence can interfere with healthy brain development.
• About 95,000 Americans die each year from alcohol-related causes.
• About 1 in 10 children in the use lives in a home where at least one parent has an Alcohol Use Disorder.

A Fun To-Do: Sesame street has some great video resources about parental addiction. Check out the video at the bottom of this page: https://www.sesameworkshop.org/what-we-do/traumatic-experiences

Written by Susan Hardman, Ed.S., NCSP, is a nationally certified school psychologist and current James Madison University doctoral student intern in clinical and school psychology. She enjoys working with children, adolescents, adults. 

This month is play therapy awareness month!  In this post, I’ll talk about what play therapy is, how it differs from other types of therapy for children, and take a quick look at some of the research on its efficacy.  But first…

Imagine you are about to see a therapist for the first time.  You’re feeling hopeful, but a little nervous.  You’ve never been to therapy before and you don’t know what to expect.  You arrive at your appointment on time and are welcomed into the therapist’s office.  Your new therapist looks at you kindly, and then starts speaking in an entirely different language.  At first, you’re not sure what to do, so you try to speak in your native language.  The therapist looks a little confused, but smiles back and continues speaking. You have no idea what she is saying.  Your hope of understanding and being understood is fading away.   

While this example may seem a bit dramatic, I hope it illustrates what a child might experience in therapy that wasn’t suited to their developmental stage.  Expecting children to communicate in the same way adults communicate is like asking them to speak a foreign language.  It simply isn’t realistic.  Children require a form of therapy that enables them to communicate in ways that are developmentally appropriate.  That’s where Play Therapy comes in.  Play is a child’s natural way of exploring the world, and through play, children are often able to express what they might not be able to convey in words.

What is Play Therapy?

Play therapy is a structured, evidence-based therapy for children.  In Play Therapy, play is seen as a child’s natural way of communicating.

“Play Therapy is based upon the fact that play is the child’s natural medium of self expression … It is an opportunity which is given to the child to ‘play out’ his feelings and problems just as in certain types of adult therapy an individual ‘talks out’ his difficulties.”  Virginia Axline 

In Play Therapy sessions children are given access to a large variety of toys and supported in expressing their difficulties through play.  Play therapists tailor each session to the individual child’s needs.

Play Therapy vs. Other Therapies for Children 

It is important to understand the difference between Play Therapy and other forms of therapy for children.  For example, some therapists provide toys as a way of helping children feel comfortable and encouraging them to talk, but this isn’t necessarily play therapy.  While play therapists are supportive of children talking, having a direct conversation about the child’s difficulties isn’t the end goal in a play therapy session.  Play therapists recognize that a child does not need to explicitly verbalize her or his feelings to benefit profoundly from a therapy session.

Is Play Therapy Effective?   

The short answer is, Yes!  Four separate meta-analyses showed that play therapy for children had moderately large to large effect sizes (Golding, 2016).  Those are BIG effect sizes!  The research is showing us that play therapy is as effective as most forms of psychotherapy for adults.  It is also showing us that Play Therapy is just as effective as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for children, and may have some distinct advantages over CBT, like being more cognitively/linguistically appropriate.

To learn more about play therapy and some great resources for parents, check out the Parent’s Corner at the Association for Play Therapy website: https://www.a4pt.org/page/ParentsCornerHomePag

Written by Susan Hardman, Ed.S., NCSP, is a nationally certified school psychologist and current James Madison University doctoral student intern in clinical and school psychology. She enjoys working with children, adolescents, adults. 

Reference: M Golding, J. (2016). Evidence-based child and adolescent psychotherapy: It’s not what you think: Evidence-based psychotherapy. Journal of Paediatrics and Child Health, 52(10), 919–922. https://doi.org/10.1111/jpc.13272

The COVID-19 pandemic has caused a rise in numerous physical and mental health disorders globally. However, one of them in particular is trending upwards and can be seen in all populations and all age ranges. The common disorder in mention is none other than social anxiety. The reason there has been an increase in social anxiety cases is in part because of social isolation due to COVID-19. According to the National Institute of Mental Health (2020), every year the amount of people in the United States suffering from social anxiety increases. This year, the number of people that report having social anxiety increased from 7.1% to 12.1%.

What does social anxiety look like?

• A fear of being judged or criticized by others
• Feeling self-conscious or fearful in social settings
• A fear of meeting new or interacting with a new group of people
• A fear of speaking in class for being judged by peers
• A fear of not following new “COVID-19” rules properly (e.g., following the taped arrows in shopping markets correctly)

What does the research tell us?

In a study by Ikeda (2020), people with higher levels of social anxiety tend to have an increased awareness of the micro expressions of other people. While there are many reasons for this hyperawareness, if someone already struggling with social anxiety has a marked decrease in socializing, it can be understood that when they are in social settings, they will be even more anxious than previous years. Now, when people with social anxiety are immersed in rare social settings, this causes a hyperawareness in microfacial expressions but a diminished ability to properly interpret those facial expressions. Neutral facial expressions are more often seen as angry or displeased by persons with social anxiety than they are by their non-anxious counterparts. Additionally, with many work settings becoming remote, people are practicing their social skills less while also interpreting people’s reactions more harshly. In turn, people will fear being judged, criticized, or embarrassed when in public and make more effort to avoid social settings.

In an another study by Michikyan (2020), adolescents and young adults with social anxiety tend to self-present themselves online through social media as their ideal and less realistic self. Being that people with social anxiety tend to socialize online more than in person, these people are also more subject to online bullying or criticism. Due to the pandemic and people having a stronger presence online, adolescents and adults with social anxiety are practicing their social skills less and self-presenting their false selves through their social media presence more. Moreover, people with social anxiety are more likely to compare themselves to others’ social media platforms and this will in turn increase their own self-critical behaviors.

Is there a way to treat social anxiety?

In order to decrease social anxiety, seeking support for talk therapy can be majorly beneficial. Working with a counselor can help people to understand themselves and others while also increasing their time spent outside the home and socializing. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), exposure therapy, play therapy, art therapy, and mindfulness are some forms of treatment utilized in reducing social anxiety.

What can I do from home?

• Practice making trips outside of home
• Reduce exposure to social media
• Meditation
• Yoga
• Practice socially distanced socializing (Zoom, Facetime, Houseparty)
• 
• Practice being in the moment (5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and one thing you can taste)
• Deep breathing from the diaphragm (don’t lift those shoulders upon inhaling)

Written by: Amanda Meffert, a graduate student obtaining her Masters in Clinical Mental Health from Northwestern University.. She provides services to children, adolescents, adults, and seniors to address a broad range of concerns, including adjustment difficulties, anxiety, depression and relationship challenges.

Coivd-19 has driven us all inside our homes and bubbles. We are spending more time with our children and family members than ever before. And yet, we are stressed over work, online or hybrid school routines and the idea our schedules could all change again in an hour. And while we may feel like we see our children all the time, the connection may not be feeling as strong as before March.

Research shows that the quality of time together drives a feeling of intimacy and connection across all our relationships. Anxiety and stress reduces our ability to make meaningful moments with others. How can we reduce anxiety, manage stress and offer more of ourselves in a moment? In a few words, the answer lies in self-care and quality time.

Self-care is identifying what I need and getting that need met by myself and asking others for support.

Self-care ideas to consider:

• Acknowledge this is a moment of suffering we are all going through. Ourselves, our families our neighbors, our communities are all negatively affected by Covid-19 and will be for the foreseeable future. Given this incredibly hard challenge, how can I provide comfort to myself? What do I need to feel soothed? Extra sleep? A walk? 5-minutes of deep breathing while taking a shower? If we can self-soothe, we will be able to help others more effectively. If we are upset, we will not be able to calm others around us.
• Prioritize and commit to daily self-care habits. By building a foundation of inner strength over time, we can stay calmer during uncertainty and be available to others.
• There is no wrong way to do it. New patterns take time. Allow yourself to take your own imperfect path to

Once we care for ourselves, we can offer our time to others. Some ideas to consider to improve quality connections:

• Offer your full-attention. Put away the electronic devices and turn your full attention to your child. If you need to, put on a timer so you don’t have to worry about transitioning to another activity.

• Put it in your schedule. If you are not free when your child needs you, indicate you will connect later. You can connect during an activity: bed time, preparing a meal, raking leaves, going for a walking break between classes.
• Stop and acknowledge your child’s positive effort, thought process and creative ideas.
• Quality time is cumulative. There will be days we don’t connect with our child as well as we might like . There might be days where we don’t really connect at all. Take a minute or five. Hold your child’s hand, make eye contact and connect. Over time, these connections make a difference.

• Offer yourself self-compassion and grace. Yes, this is on the list twice. Covid is hard. Online schooling and work is hard. These are moments of real suffering. Soothing yourself enables you to soothe your child. Remember every moment is a clean slat e and an opportunity to choose different.

If you or your child is struggling during these times Crossroads Family Counseling specializes in working with children, adolescents and families.  You can contact 703-380-9045 or info@crossroadsfamilycc.com.

Written by: Carolyn Bell, MBA, who is obtaining her Masters in Counseling through Wake Forest University. She works with individual children, teens and adults; couples and families at points of transition to resolve trauma, grow careers, enhance relationships, and accept and adjust to life-changing events such as chronic health diagnoses, adoption, empty nesting, divorce, and loss of a loved one.

Get out the Sidewalk Chalk!  Coloring with chalk is a great way to get outside, have fun and it’s good for your brain.  Coloring reduces stress and anxiety  and has the ability to relax the fear center of your brain, the amygdala. Coloring is also helpful to work on hand strength and fine motor skills.  Coloring can encourage creativity and self-expression and it  takes a lot of focusing skills to complete a coloring task. So, even though it looks like kids are having fun and just coloring they’re also working on a lot of skills!

Squiggle Line– This is where you draw a line and each person takes a turn adding something to the drawing. This encourages skills such as working together, cooperation, taking turns and creativity.  It’s fun to see what the shape turns out to be.  Children love doing things with parents which promotes a fun, feel good moment to create something together.

Chalk Art Mosaic– For this you will need painters’ tape or masking tape and chalk. You can do it on your driveway or on your garage door. (Don’t worry the rain will wash it away).  Find a design or a word and then begin taping it up in different shapes and designs.  It’s time then for your kids to start coloring the shapes in.  Once done take off the tape and you have a beautiful mosaic picture.

Dyan and Jackson Ambrose Courtesy of Nicole Ambrose

Dots and Lines Game– Remember the dots and lines game we used to play as a kid? You create a bunch of dots in a square grid.  Then each person takes a turn connecting two dots with a line.  Once you have created a square with your lines you get to put your initial in the box.  Once there are no more dots to connect the person with the most boxes with their initial in it wins.  This game takes planning, focus and concentration, strategy and a healthy competition.

Active things to do with Chalk:

 Bike or Scooter Maze-  Draw a maze on your driveway or street creating a path with different stops or places to go.  You can work on regulation and self-control skills by timing them as they ride through the maze and if they go out of the maze they have to start over.  This helps kids slow down, focus and concentrate to make sure they are completing the maze correctly.

Long Jump– Get some measuring tape and measure up to 12 feet and mark it with the chalk. (For younger children you can start with a smaller distance and increase).  Children love having competitions against others and themselves.  This creates a sense of mastery and self-confidence.  Have your child work on it each day and see how they improve.  You can chart it and see their improvements over time.  This encourages mastery, planning and  self-control.

For more outside activities and fun things you can do with sidewalk chalk check out our Pinterest page at: https://www.pinterest.com/crossroadsfamilycounseling/boards/.

Written by: Sheri Mitschelen, LCSW, RPT/S  who is the owner and  Director of Crossroads Family Counseling Center, LLC, in Fairfax, Va. She has over 30 years of experience working with children, adolescents and families.  In addition, she is an adjunct faculty member at Virginia Tech’s Marriage and Family Therapy Master’s program and the President of the Virginia Association for Play Therapy.  She can be contacted at Sheri@crossroadsfamilycc.com. 

According to sleep science experts, women need more sleep than men — by as much as 20 minutes more. This is because women are prolific multitaskers who tend to use up more brainpower during the day, leading to the need for more recovery time — essentially, sleep.

Unfortunately, this need for more sleep doesn’t automatically mean that women are getting more sleep. On the contrary, women have been known to suffer from a good number of sleep problems, such as insomnia, sleep-disordered breathing, narcolepsy, to name only a few. More often than not, these are caused by hormone fluctuations, especially in younger women, as well as the stress that comes from wearing many hats (as women are wont to do) and even mental problems such as depression and anxiety.

Indeed, there’s no question that women need to cultivate solid sleep habits in order to get the requisite amount of rest that they require to maintain a healthy body and a sound mind. Best of all, this can be done without making a huge dent on your wallet.

Optimize Your Sleep Environment

Better sleep relies heavily on your sleep environment, which is why it’s highly recommended to see your bedroom in a different light and think of the many ways that you can improve it. Essentially, this means focusing on using the bedroom for sleep, rather than as a space for various other activities, such as browsing the internet, watching TV, and more. In fact, the blue light emitted by gadgets is one of the most prevalent causes of sleep deprivation, which is why putting down your electronics hours before bedtime is often recommended.

Sound is also another factor that impacts your sleep cycle. In fact, exposure to nighttime environmental noise is found to have adverse effects on health as an outcome of sleep disturbance. White noise, on the other hand, does the opposite.

With all these factors in mind, it’s a good idea to invest in white noise machines, as well as other sleeping aids like non-blue light-emitting lamps, weighted blankets, comfortable pillows and linens, and more. A trusted retailer like Kohl’s is a great resource as they not only have everything you need but also regularly offer promotions so you can get them at a discount. Rakuten offers some Kohl’s saving tips, including signing up for text-message notifications on promotions, earning Yes2You rewards, and taking advantage of double cash back specials.

Engage in Relaxation Techniques

Now, most women can probably relate to being sleep deprived because of a restless mind that didn’t get the bedtime memo. A great way to circumvent this is by making use of relaxation techniques that still the mind and calm the senses, which, in turn, lead to a restful sleep. As a bonus, such techniques are also known to do wonders for stress relief, which will doubtless contribute to your mental well-being. Relaxation techniques run the gamut from deep-breathing exercises to guided meditation. Getting into the habit can be a challenge, though, which is why it’s prudent to make use of tools to get you started. Today, there are countless meditation and breathing apps that can be downloaded at little to no cost, so take advantage of these budget-friendly and foolproof tools to show you the way.

Make Use of Natural Remedies

These days, essential oils are all the rage, and for very good reasons. Indeed, among the many benefits of aromatherapy, its wonderful effects on sleep disorders like insomnia are most recognized, making it more than wise to add sleep-improving essential oils to your bedtime arsenal. Best of all, you don’t need to use more than a few drops at a time, so this investment goes a very long way. Furthermore, while a humidifier is great to have, there are actually other ways to use your oils without it, such as adding a few drops to a warm bath before bedtime or to a small spray bottle filled with water to mist your pillowcase and sheets.

Indeed, few things are as pleasurable as good, old-fashioned, restful sleep. So, make use of these cost-effective and healthy sleep habits to shake off your sleep challenges for good and, in turn, enjoy a more productive and mentally rewarding life.

Play therapy heals children by helping them work through and solve their own problems, in the way that they know how. Children often times learn how to engage with others, adapt personality traits and behaviors, problem-solve, and create new ideas, all through play.  Children can create a whole world for themselves through play, where they feel safe to explore themselves and their surroundings. Similar to talk therapy, children have the ability to come into the play (therapy) room and express themselves in whatever way they feel comfortable.

The Association for Play Therapy defines play therapy as “the systematic use of a theoretical model to establish an interpersonal process wherein trained play therapists use the therapeutic powers of play to help clients prevent or resolve psychosocial difficulties and achieve optimal growth and development” (“Why Play Therapy”, n.d.). Play therapists use similar techniques as other therapists, while utilizing the language of play with their clients. Play therapy is often used with children, but can be adapted to be used with all age groups

Play therapy is unique in that it is used to help children process tough emotions and behaviors, and it allows the therapist to really meet the child where they are, no matter what their age is. Play therapy can really be used for any age group of children, and it can be modified to match the child’s developmental level. As previously stated, play is often times used with children, but it can also be used with older adolescents and adults to tap into parts of the brain that day to day activities may not open up. Many play therapy activities allow for both sides of the brain to be engaged at the same time, furthering the processing and firing of the brain’s neural connections. As humans, play is really the foundational building blocks that formed our brain!

What are the benefits of play therapy?

Play therapy is especially beneficial for younger children who do not yet have the skills to communicate their emotions and thoughts through talk therapy. Play allows for the child to express themselves through their play, in a safe and non-judgemental setting. Play is also a necessary activity for children to process their emotions, develop cognitively, and help grow their motor functions. Play therapy has been found to be beneficial for children working through struggles such as: anxiety disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorders, depression, attention deficit hyperactivity, autism spectrum, oppositional defiant and conduct disorders, anger management, crisis and trauma, grief and loss, divorce and family dissolution, academic and social developmental, and physical and learning disabilities (Lilly, O’Connor, & Krull, n.d.). Society often times tells children to grow up quickly and learn as fast as possible. However, this is happening without taking the time to get to know how the child’s brain really works, and at what stage that child is at both cognitively and emotionally. Play therapy slows down that process, and creates a wider scope of how we see the child. Play therapy creates a space to better understand how the child functions at all levels, and fills in the missing pieces to their story. Therapist are then able to build up the child’s support system of parents, siblings, teachers, and whoever else might be beneficial to best help the child. Play is really beneficial to anyone, and play therapy is especially beneficial for expression and learning about oneself!

For further questions and information about play therapy, please visit the Association for Play Therapy website for various articles and resources at https://www.a4pt.org.

You can contact Crossroads Family Counseling Center as well. www.crossroadsfamilycouselingcenter.com. We have a monthly newsletter you can sign up for to get more information on topics related to play with children and adolescents, a Pinterest page with Play Therapy activities and our Facebook and Instagram pages sharing about Play therapy books and resources.

Written by:  Sheri Mitschelen, LCSW, RPT-S and Kasey Reichard,  MS, Resident in Marriage and Family both specialize in working with children, adolescents, parents, adults and families through play therapy. 

With Thanksgiving approaching  this month it’s a time to spend with family and think about the things we are  thankful and grateful for. A 2012 study published in the industry journal Personality and Individual Differences found a sense of gratitude is an essential ingredient in a happy life, but it does not come naturally to children.and that gratitude was one of the biggest predictors of life satisfaction, no matter what demographic.

Five ways you can work to instill Gratitude in your children:

1. MODEL IT YOURSELF–Make sure to share the things you are grateful for in your every day conversation.  Saying to your child, “”I’m so thankful to have your help”, “ I’m thankful for the beautiful trees.”  Children model their parents in every way, so make sure you use “please” and “thank you” when you talk to them. (“Thanks for that hug — it made me feel great!”) Insist on their using the words, too. After all, “good manners and gratitude overlap,” says New York City etiquette consultant Melissa Leonard.

2. INTRODUCE GRATITUDE AS A GAME–  Christopher Smith recommends focusing on small things by playing a game where each person shares something that they are grateful for. You can play this game while in the car by naming things that you see; you can play this game sitting in a waiting room by naming things that start with different letters of the alphabet. By making it a game, you are allowing your children to learn about all the things they can be grateful for while not making it too serious.

3.  WRITE GRATITUDE LETTERS–This is a version of the thank you note. You can leave notes for your children saying the things you are grateful for about them. You can also teach your kids to think about writing a letter to somebody like a teacher or a family member who has done something for them. This teaches them that it is not just about when somebody gives you something material but when somebody really does something for you. Help your child write the letter – you can dictate for them if they’re younger. Or write or type on a card,  Dear:_________   I’m thankful for____________  and their name.  It does not  need to be a long letter.  People appreciate just being acknowledged and the thought.

A leading researcher in this field, Dr. Martin E. P. Seligman, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania, tested the impact of various positive psychology interventions on 411 people, each compared with a control assignment of writing about early memories. When their week’s assignment was to write and personally deliver a letter of gratitude to someone who had never been properly thanked for his or her kindness, participants immediately exhibited a huge increase in happiness scores. This impact was greater than that from any other intervention, with benefits lasting for a month

4. ENCOURAGE GENEROSITY-Generosity is the desire to give what you have to others. You can do this by donating food or used clothing and toys to a local food bank or Homeless Shelter.  You can also encourage your child to share their toy or a piece of food with a friend or sibling

A book that discusses generous behavior is:The Bernstein Bears and the Joy of Giving

5.  VOLUNTEER- Volunteering with children is a great way to teach them to give back to others.  An additional benefit of volunteering with your child is the bonding that occurs. If you child is interested in a subject it may be possible to use that subject as a springboard into volunteering: Children who construct a lot of forts or buildings with blocks may enjoy helping out a construction organization such as Habitat for Humanity; and  children who love animals my enjoy helping animal organizations such as the Humane Society.   If you can’t commit to doing something outside the house as a family, figure out some way your child can actively participate in helping someone else.  Even if it’s as simple as making cookies for a sick neighbor. For more information go to http://www.compassionatekids.com/volunteering.shtml.

A fun Fall family activity that can teach gratitude is cutting out colorful leaves and having your children write on the leaf what they are grateful for.

Enjoy this season of change and the beauty of the colorful leaves while remembering to practice gratitude.

At Crossroads Family Counseling Center we are thankful for our co-workers and grateful for the opportunity to work with the children and families that we serve. Happy Thanksgiving!

Written by:  Sheri Mitschelen, LCSW, RPT/S, Owner and Director of Crossroads Family Counseling Center, LLC  a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) in the State of Virginia and a Registered Play Therapy-Supervisor (RPT-S).

Every child and adolescent will experience emotional ups-and-downs in their lives; however, some children and adolescents may experience more intense and overwhelming emotions in the form of depression. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP), estimates that 1 in 7 adolescents experience symptoms of depression and that rates of child and adolescent depression are increasing. While an individual can experience depression at any time in their life, it is not uncommon for the onset of depression to be in adolescence or early adulthood. Childhood and adolescence is a stressful time, so it makes sense for children and adolescents to feel sad, angry, or irritable sometimes, but if your child has been experiencing these emotions for weeks or months at a time, you may want to talk to your doctor or a therapist about depression.

Like most mental health challenges, depression looks a little different in children than it does in adults. Below are some common symptoms of depression in children and adolescents that AACAP encourages caregivers to look out for: 

• Not enjoying activities as much as they used to
• Changes in appetite and sleep habits
• Spending less time with friends or in activities they tend to enjoy 
• Having difficulty concentrating
• Appearing to be or feeling irritable, depressed, sad, or tearful

In some children and teens, depression may lead to thoughts of suicide or self-harm. If your child is experiencing these thoughts, it is important to seek immediate help. Caregivers should take every comment about suicide or self-harm seriously and reach out for additional support. Call centers can be an especially helpful resource. The Suicide Prevention Hotline (1-800-273-TALK) is a confidential hotline that is open 24/7. Some teens may feel more comfortable texting for help. In this case, The Crisis Text Line may be helpful. You can text HOME to 741741 at any time for assistance and support.

If you think that your child may be experiencing symptoms of depression, it is important to consult with a doctor or therapist. Thursday, October 10 is National Depression Screening Day. Check online for resources in your area that you can utilize to help you or your child. In addition to reaching out to professionals, there are things you can do at home to help your child or teen manage symptoms of depression. According to Kids Health, parents can support their children by:

• Help your child manage their physical health by eating healthy food, exercising, and getting enough sleep
• Spend time together doing activities that promote enjoyment, relaxation, and pleasure
• Be patient and kind with your children, even if they’re irritable or rude

If you think that your child may be struggling with depression, the therapists at Crossroads Family Counseling Center can help! Please contact us and set up an appointment today! 

Written by: Emily Janes, Therapist Intern.  Emily is working towards completing her Masters of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy at Virginia Tech University. She graduated from Utah State University with a B.S. in psychology and a minor in human and family development. She is currently under the supervision of Sheri Mitschelen, LCSW, RPT-S.

Back-to-School can be a stressful time for parents and children. The start of school can be exciting in many ways – seeing friends again, getting a new teacher, and extracurricular activities – but it can also bring anxiety and nerves for many children. It is not uncommon for children to feel excited and worried about school at the same time! Social worker Katie Hurley said in her article “Anxiety in Children: Helping a Child with Anxiety with the Back to School Transition” that, “Anticipatory anxiety is common among kids with anxiety disorders, and it can begin weeks before the first day of school. The anxious thought cycle that occurs as the transition nears can include worries about learning and understanding new classroom rules, establishing a relationship with a new teacher, meeting academic demands, internalizing a new classroom routine, getting to classes on time, making friends, finding a place to sit at lunch, and completing homework, to name a few.”

Even if your child has not been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, they may experience some degree of anticipatory anxiety around the start of the school year. Anxiety sometimes looks a little different in children than it does in adults. According to Dr. Liz Matheis, your child may exhibit anxiety through (1) agitation, (2) restlessness, (3) refusing to go to school, (4) tantrums, (5) headaches and stomachaches, or many other behavioral and physical symptoms. Especially when children are starting at a new school, transitioning from one level of schooling to another (i.e., moving from elementary to middle school), or going back to a school where they have experienced bullying, it is important for parents to understand their child’s experience and support them. It is important to recognize that your child experiencing anxiety around the start of the new school year is completely normal – when you start to think about all school entails, it makes sense that children would feel nervous about the transitions they are experiencing! Anxiety is a normal part of life and is only a problem if it begins to get in the way of your child accomplishing their tasks and doing the things they want to do. So, what can parents do to help their children cope with the anxiety of starting a new school year? Below or some tips and tricks that you can try out as the new school year approaches:

1. Normalize Your Child’s Experience

Let your child know that it’s okay that they feel nervous about the new school year. Validate their emotions of fear, worry, or sadness that summer is over. There may even be an opportunity for you to share stories of times you were nervous about school! Try to really listen to your child’s concerns and talk them through these challenges instead of brushing them off with a comment like “it will all work out” or “you’re worrying too much”.

2. Create a Coping Plan or Kit They Can Use at School

When your child anticipates feeling anxious in a certain setting or situation, it can be empowering to plan with them around what they can do in-the-moment to cope with their anxiety. Help your child come up with three things they can do in the moment to help cope with their anxiety. For example, (1) Box Breathing, (2) Progressive Muscle Relaxation, or (3) Recite a Mantra. Kids may also benefit from creating a small sensory coping kit that they can place in their backpack for times they feel anxious or overwhelmed.

3. Prepare as Much as Possible

If you notice your child asking a lot of questions about the school and the school routine, prepare and practice as much as you can. Leading up to the start of the school year, do a “trial run” of the morning routine to help your child know what they need to do to catch the bus on time. If possible, go to the school and let them learn where their classroom is and how long it takes to get from class to class.

If you notice that your child is having more anxiety than usual or it looks like your child could use some extra support, we can help! The therapists at Crossroads have extensive experience working with children, teens, and adults experiencing anxiety. Contact us today!

Written by: Emily Janes, Therapist Intern, from Virgina Tech. University, Marriage and Family Therapy Graduate Program. She specializes in working with children, adolescents, adults, and families.

Anxiety is a difficult emotion to deal with and manage especially for young children.

According to the World Health Organization, Anxiety disorders are the most common mental health challenge in the United States impacting 54 percent of females and 46 percent of males. The onset for anxiety is around age 7 years old and people with anxiety are 3-5 times more likely to go to the Doctor for physical symptoms that are anxiety related. Unfortunately, only 1/3 of those suffering with anxiety get treatment.

Some common childhood disorders are:

Generalized anxiety disorder, Social Anxiety, Selective Mutism, Separation Anxiety disorder, Panic disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and Specific Phobias.

Children are more likely to develop other mental health issues in adulthood, such as depression and substance abuse if anxiety in childhood is not treated.  Anxiety is a chronic condition that   doesn’t go away and you don’t out grow it.

Parents often don’t realize that anxiety is an issue because it often comes out in behavior for children versus a child sharing that they are anxious.

Aureen Pinto Wagner, PhD states that anxiety becomes problematic when it begins to affect a child’s ability to engage in three main responsibilities of childhood:

1. To learn-they have trouble concentrating on their work or fall behind with their assignments.
2. To make friends– they avoid play dates, of fun peer outings such as a Birthday party.
3. To have fun-they have trouble joining in fun activities or organized sports.

There are things parents can do to help children with anxiety according to Clark Goldstein, PhD:

1. The goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety, but to help a child manage it.

None of us wants to see a child unhappy, but the best way to help kids overcome anxiety isn’t to try to remove stressorsthat trigger it. It’s to help them learn to tolerate their anxiety and function as well as they can, even when they’re anxious. And as a byproduct of that, the anxiety will decrease or fall away over time.

2. Don’t avoid things just because they make a child anxious.

Helping children avoid the things they are afraid of will make them feel better in short term, but it reinforces the anxiety over the long run. If a child in an uncomfortable situation gets upset, starts to cry—not to be manipulative, but just because that’s how she feels—and her parents whisk her out of there, or remove the thing she’s afraid of, she’s learned that coping mechanism, and that cycle has the potential to repeat itself.

3. Respect their feelings, but don’t empower them.

It’s important to understand that validation doesn’t always mean agreement. So if a child is terrified about going to the doctor because they are  due for a shot, you don’t want to belittle their fears, but you also don’t want to amplify them. You want to listen and be empathetic, help them understand what they’re anxious about, and encourage them to feel that they can face their fears. The message you want to send is, “I know you’re scared, and that’s okay, and I’m here, and I’m going to help you get through this.

If your child continues to struggle with anxiety early intervention can help your child and you get coping skills and learn ways to manage the anxiety.

At Crossroads Family Counseling Center, we specialize in helping children, adolescents and families manage and reduce anxiety.  We work with children as young as 2 years old.  For a free telephone consultation please call 703-380-9045.

Sheri Mitschelen, LCSW, RPT/S is the owner and clinical director of Crossroads Family Counseling Center, LLC, in Fairfax, Va. She has more than 25 years’ experience working with anxious children, adolescents and families.  In addition, she is an adjunct faculty member  at Virginia Tech’s Marriage and Family Therapy Master’s program and George Mason University School of Social Work.  She provides trainings for parents on how to help their children with anxiety. She can be contacted at Sheri@crossroadsfamilycc.com. 

To an outsider, it may seem like stepfamilies are similar to non-stepfamilies or first-marriage families but, to someone within a stepfamily, the differences can feel overwhelming and confusing. Unlike first-marriage families, stepfamilies form from loss and/or change (e.g., living between two parents, changes in routine and rules of the household). Adjusting to these changes (what we call transitional adjustment) can place a strain on the relationships within the family (e.g., the couple, the adults and children). In addition, adults and children bring their own (and often different) marital and familial experiences/expectations into the new family system, and stepfamilies have a tough time integrating these differing expectations.

We understand how challenging it can be to navigate the challenges of stepfamilies, so here are some suggestions to help make that journey a little easier!

On transitional adjustment: Stepfamilies will encounter a number of transition periods; examples include deciding on family rituals (think celebrating holidays) and having a child who lives between two homes.

For rituals and holidays, we suggest having the entire stepfamily create a discussion around celebrating (insert holiday of your choice). Questions we like to think about are the following:

1. How did you (the adults) celebrate (insert holiday) with your family of origin?
2. How did you (all members) celebrate (insert holiday) in your previous marriage/relationship/family?
3. How do you (all members) celebrate (insert holiday) now?
4. How would you (all members) like to celebrate (insert holiday)?

When a child is living between two homes, a number of difficulties can arise like increased stress of the child, decreased stability and structure, inconsistencies around rules and routines, and decreased cohesiveness of the stepfamily. Cohabitation prior to marriage may provide a prolonged period of transition that can help all the family members adjust to the child living in more than one household. We also suggest that coparents work on creating the same routine, rules, and responsibilities between the two homes so that the child is able to experience consistency from their two, biological parents.

On expectations: Often the expectations that family members carry are unrealistic. For instance, the biological parent may be more warm and engaged with their child because of the shared history and biological ties. This may make them more inclined to think that the stepparent should easily jump into that same role. However, stepparents are often less active and warm with the child – as they are just building their relationship with the child. Biological parents often think that a stepparent should take an active role in parenting (warm, loving, and disciplinarian) while stepparent often may not be comfortable doing so or even have the rapport with the child to take such an authoritative role even if he/she wanted to.

We suggest that stepparents should focus on building a relationship with their stepchild prior to taking on any parenting role. This may mean that the stepparent will simply support the biological parent in their discipline and parenting until a strong connection exists between stepparent and stepchild as opposed to making the decision and then enforcing said decision.. Stepchildren are more receptive to view the stepparent as a true parental figure (or one that provides discipline) when they perceive a strong bond between them and the stepparent.

Stepfamilies sometimes face challenges that are bigger than themselves – meaning that they may need to seek help outside of the family (e.g., counseling). If you find yourself struggling to manage the challenges your stepfamily is experiencing, reach out to Crossroads Family Counseling Center for family therapy sessions

Paige Frasso, M.S. Resident in Marriage and Family Therapy,  She specializes in working work with a variety of clients including children, teenagers, parents, individual adults, couples, and families. In addition, she has experience and enjoys working with families with children by other relatives (e.g., grandparents, aunts and uncles, godparents). She also have  expertise in stepfamily relationships; specifically challenges couples endure during the initial period of connecting two families into one.