Crossroads Family Counseling Center

Fairfax, Virginia

Strong Families · Strong Children
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3611 Chain Bridge Road, Suite C
Fairfax, VA 22030

Jackie Fonseca

Listening to the Body:Helping Children Decrease Emotional Outbursts

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Most people can notice when they become triggered by something whether it be a deep sigh, fidgety feet or hands, or stomach butterflies. Noticing these small but significant changes can increase one’s capacity for preventing a flood of feelings that feel uncontrollable and cause what gets labeled as tantrums. Spending time talking about how the body feels during various situations throughout the day can strengthen one’s self-awareness and ability to ask for help before feeling out of control. Most children can identify having at least two feelings a day based on a typical school day- for example feeling frustrated during math class then happy at recess. This scenario helps create the building blocks needed for children to make the connection between their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors; how they are all connected and cannot exist without each other. When kids share about their day, help them reflect on how feeling upset or happy effected the outcome. It helps increase their ability to listen to their body which is needed in order to be self-aware. Below are things to consider for how to support them:

How does their body change when angry?

  • Notice change in posture
  • Notice hand motions
  • Notice facial expression
Reflect on their body positioning?
  • Your body is tense from how your hands are clenched
  • Your facial expression is showing an angry face
  • Your body has some tense energy to release from how your legs are shaking
What does the child gravitate towards when angry or anxious?
  • do you notice a pattern
  • do you notice that they seek sensory input such as hitting, biting, or squeezing an object
  • is the child able to label the feeling once calm enough to engage verbally
How long does it take to calm down?
  • Make note of how long it usually takes for the child to calm down to include how their body has gone from tense to relaxed
  • can the child identify techniques they use to calm the body when ready to verbally engage
Practice identifying cues

  • Your body is relaxed while reading this book
  • Your facial expression (face) tells me you are enjoying this game
  • Your breathing has gotten louder and quicker
Just as you would practice learning the alphabet or multiplication tables, it is as important to practice being aware of any changes in the body and how they impact behavior. This not only supports a child’s capacity to prevent a negative outcome, but also to feel understood if the adults in their lives are in tune with the body language since children tend to rely on nonverbal communication when angry.
Written by: Jackie Fonseca, MSW, LCSW and RPT. Jackie, a bi-lingual therapist speaking English and  Spanish.  She specializes in working with school aged children and their families. Her treatment approaches include child centered play therapy, sandplay therapy, theraplay, trauma focused cognitive behavioral therapy, sensory integration and somatic regulation and it getting training in Animal Assisted Therapy with her dog Graham. 

Parental Affection Supports Childhood Happiness

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As we enter this month of roses and heart shaped chocolates, consider what you do to show your children affection?

Researchers at Duke Medical School found that the release of oxytocin was most likely the reason for increased childhood happiness and reduced anxiety/stress. The study followed 500 people from birth to their 30s and found that the people that received the most affection and attention throughout their childhood reported as less anxious and stressed than others. In addition, these same people were found less likely to have psychosomatic symptoms, distressing social interactions, and were less hostile. The theory behind oxytocin is based on its other known nick names such as the “cuddle hormone’ or “bonding hormone.” It is released during pregnancy, breastfeeding, and other moments of closeness when a child feels loved and a sense of connection. It adds to the perception of trust and support. This bond is what causes the chemical to be released in the brain, therefore increasing a child’s capacity to have more positive emotions.

So how can you foster your child’s happiness?

  1. Make hugging a part of your daily routine

    As seen in the Trolls movie, the trolls wore watches with alarm clocks set for every hour to remind them it was hug time. Choose a time of day that you can remember to do this, like before school, at dinner, or at bedtime. If it takes having an alarm like the trolls did so be it!

  2. Be playful
    Let your inner child come out to play at least once a day. Even its only for 10 minutes or one round of a game. Let your child lead and choose the toy/game. The type of games will change with age. They say actions speak louder than words so what a better way to compliment your words of affection and touch than by engaging in play!

  3. Special code
    Create a special code word between you and your child that equates to “I love you.” You can get creative with your child in choosing a secret saying or hand movement without getting too gushy in front of other people…aka not getting embarrassed in front of their friends. This will come in handy as they get older!

  4. Respect a child’s uniqueness
    If there are multiple children in the home, refrain from comparing one child to another. Honor the fact that each child is different and most likely cannot parented in the exact same way. This will promote true validation for the child and your ability to love them for who they are.

Have a heart felt and affection month from Crossroads Family Counseling Center, LLC.

Written by: Jackie Fonseca, MSW, LCSW and has qualified as a registered play therapist. She is also licensed in MD and DC. Jackie, a bi-lingual therapist speaking English and  Spanish has experience in providing direct mental health therapy in school based settings. She specializes in working with school aged children and their families. Her treatment approaches include child centered play therapy, sandplay therapy, theraplay, trauma focused cognitive behavioral therapy, sensory integration and somatic regulation.