It’s that time of year again when we traditionally make our New Year’s resolutions. What if this year your resolution was to play? You could spend just 15 minutes a day playing with your children or pick a day and time of the week that you dedicate to technology-free play. Now that would be a resolution worth keeping!
Play is the natural language of children. It is their form of communication and their toys are their words. Play Therapy expert Gary Landreth, Ed.D, explains that play is a medium in which children are able to express their feelings, explore relationships and accomplish self-fulfillment. Therefore, spending just 15 minutes a day playing with our children is showing them that we are listening as they express their feelings and master new skills, while strengthening the parent-child relationship. Carolyn Webster-Stratton, Ph.D., states that there are studies that show children tend to be more creative and have fewer behavior problems when their parents engage in fantasy play while they are young.
You may be thinking “I spend a lot of time playing with my child,” but my question for you is “are you playing in a way that is most beneficial?” Below you will find tips on how best to play with your child.
1. Follow your child’s lead: Rather than going into the play with a structure of ideas of how it should go, allow your child to make the choices on what to play and how to play it. Parents often get caught up in the right and wrongs of how things should be. For example, your child may put a bed in the kitchen while furnishing the dollhouse. Allow your child to do this and encourage their creativity with statements such as “you’re putting a lot of thought into the design of the house.” You will see that children will engage in their own creative mind and develop their independence. Children also tend to play the same thing over and over again. Remember, children need practice in order to accomplish mastery. Don’t push them into a new activity as this can lead to frustration and feelings of inadequacy.
2. Be a commentator: We often find ourselves asking questions during play with children such as “what are you making?” or “What is that?” or “What color is this?” Rather than focusing on the actual creative process of play, questions can lead the child into a finished product that they may not have thought about. Try changing your questions into statements such as “You are working really hard on that,” or “This one is going over there” or “You chose a red block to go on top.” You want to sound almost as if you are a sports commentator. This shows children that you are really paying attention and the focus is on the play, not to please the caregiver.
3. Reflect feelings and encourage emotional identification: Play is a great opportunity to reflect feelings and encourage emotional identification. Children often act out characters that have different feelings; therefore, you can say, “I wonder if she feels sad that she lost her favorite toy” or “he looks angry, his arms are folded.” Teaching children different emotions allows them to understand their own emotions better.
4. Avoid distractions: Put down and mute the cell phone and other forms of technology. Enjoy the time to engage in play and creativity. Show your child that they have your full attention.
5. Avoid power struggles: Don’t argue about how to play a game and allow for example, the UNO card game to have a different set of rules. Try to avoid helping too much or taking over, instead, allow children to problem-solve for themselves and praise this process.
Make it a resolution this year to put down the technology and take time to play with your children. Foster their creativity, independence and strengthen your relationship through the power of play. To best do this allow the child to take the lead and don’t get caught up in asking too many questions. Instead, describe what they are doing and promote problem-solving skills.
Sources:
Landreth, G. Why Play Therapy: Association for Play Therapy Brochure. Clovis, CA: Association for Play Therapy.
Webster-Stratton, C. (2005). The Incredible Years: A Trouble-Shooting Guide for Parents of Children Aged 2-8 Years. Seattle, WA: Incredible Years.